Devolution TOC

Chapter 125

Blessed are those who are hungry and thirsty for what is right.

They will be filled.

10:30AM

Lucky hovered near the solid oak front door and periodically pulled the decorative lace curtain away from the stained glass sidelight glass to the right of the door. He peered out the window, scoping the street in front for a large car driven by a short old man with white hair. He jumped and exclaimed, "Aunt Bobbie!" when his aunt tapped him on the shoulder.

Bobbie's eyes were twinkling. "Having fun waiting for Edward Quartermaine?" she asked in a teasing tone of voice.

"Does it look like I'm having fun?" Lucky leaned against the wall and coughed with a sick expression on his face.

Bobbie stopped smiling and grew concerned. "Are you sure you feel well enough to go out? You're supposed to be resting in bed for the majority of the day. I'm afraid that Edward is going to wear you out." Bobbie shook her head. "That man could wear through reinforced steel with his caustic comments."

"Edward's okay," Lucky muttered as he looked out the window again.

Bobbie patted him on the back. "I wrapped up your antibiotic pill. You can stick it in your pocket. I just wanted to remind you that you have to take it at noon. It's important to stay on the schedule."

"Thanks, Aunt Bobbie," Lucky replied distractedly as he stuffed the pill into his front pocket. He was wearing a pair of khaki chinos with a turquoise colored polo shirt, an outfit he'd spent ten minutes picking out and twenty minutes ironing. It had been a long time since he'd socialized with a person other than a family member, and he was nervous about making the right impression on Emily's grandfather. Alan certainly hadn't been in favor of Lucky's relationship with his daughter, so Lucky was hoping that Edward would still be in his corner. Still, he realized that the Quartermaines never agreed on anything. If one person enjoyed someone else's company, another Q was bound to detest that same person out of a contrary spirit.

Bobbie grabbed her purse off of the marble topped table in the foyer and rifled through it until she found her cell phone. "Here," she said, handing it to Lucky. "I want you to call me if you feel ill or overly tired. I'll come and pick you up if you need me to. I know how forceful Edward can be. I've seen him trumpeting up and down the halls of GH for more years than I'd care to admit. I just don't want you to feel obligated to put up with him if it's too much."

Lucky laughed at his aunt's adamant attempts to protect him from an old man. He turned the cell phone around in his hand and inspected the functions of the buttons. His face softened with gratitude, and he leaned in to kiss his aunt's cheek. "Thanks for worrying about me. I'm only spending two hours with him. He's giving me a guided tour of the country club, that's all. I'll be fine, but I'll keep this phone with me for backup."

Lucky gulped when he heard the intrusive horn of a car pulling into the driveway. It was a huge, gaudy late model Lincoln Continental driven by a white-haired man who was barely visible from behind the dashboard. "Wish me luck!" he exclaimed as he left the house and ran down the porch steps.

~*~*~*~

Tony was bent over, tying the laces on his sneakers when Bobbie crept up behind him and wrapped her arms around his middle, giving him a big hug. He finished with his shoes and patted her hands. "No fair sneaking up on me."

Bobbie smacked him on the butt and laughed. "I can't resist with the way you look in those jeans. You do wicked things to my imagination."

"Turnabout fair play," Tony protested. He pulled out one of her long, auburn curls, twirled it, and playfully let it spring back. "You're always distracting me, oh gorgeous one."

"When will you be back?"

"Frisco and I will probably spend a few hours at the home improvement store. We're picking up most of the materials for the carriage house apartment. It'll take several runs with the truck I rented for the weekend."

Bobbie wrinkled her nose. "I think I'll work on some improvement projects of my own. That wallpaper in the half bath has to go. I can't stand looking at it for a moment longer."

"You're not dragging Lucas and Lulu to the wallpaper store, are you? I can't imagine they'd stay still long enough for you to look through one book, let alone the thirty or forty that you'll want to peruse."

Bobbie shook her head. "I'm not a masochist. The kids are playing with the Garcia's this afternoon. I'll have some time on my own."

"When is Lucky returning?"

"He said he'd only be gone for two hours at most. I gave him my cell phone and told him to call me if he gets tired."

Tony shook his head. "That boy needs to stay in bed for awhile."

"He also needs to reestablish some social ties," Bobbie reminded him. "An hour or two won't hurt. I just worry because it's Edward. You know how he can be."

Tony smirked. "Yes, I do. However, he seems to behave himself around Lucky. Hopefully the kid will survive."

~*~*~*~

Lucky felt like he was swimming in the front seat of Edward's car - he had plenty of room for his legs and was at least three feet away from the dashboard. The rich smell of leather permeated the car, and it seemed like everything was tan - the seats, dash, carpeting and steering wheel. Lucky hummed tunelessly under his breath as his eyes surveyed the interior of Edward's vehicle. A family of five could live in here. How can he reach the gas pedal? Lucky wondered. Sure, his seat was all the way up, but Lucky imagined Edward would require a special leg lengthening prosthesis hooked to the end of his foot to allow him to maneuver the brake and gas pedals.

"Reach for that plastic bag in the back seat," Edward ordered. "I bought something for you."

Lucky turned around and rummaged until his hand met the thin plastic of a bag. He held the bag in his lap and reached in for one of several boxes. "Open it!" Edward exclaimed. "Only the best for Lorenzo."

Lucky's eyebrows rose at that statement, and he cautiously lifted the top of a tan box. "Wow," he said at the sight of four orange fluorescent golf balls.

"Turn the ball around."

Lucky pried a ball from the packaging of the box and turned it around to read, "LLS" custom embossed in black lettering. "My initials."

"I thought the fluorescent would come in handy at first while you're mastering the basics of the game," Edward explained. "You won't be as likely to lose your golf balls if they glow in the dark." Edward laughed. "I should have bought some with sensors so you can find them when you chip them into one of the lakes."

"I hope not."

"The initials are business-like," Edward said. "You should get used to those letters - they will be worth their weight in gold one day."

"Lucas Lorenzo Spencer," Lucky said under his breath as he turned the ball back and forth. "Thanks, Mr. Quartermaine."

"Edward," the irritable old man said. "First names among peers."

Lucky's lips twitched as he almost smiled in amusement. "Okay." 

~*~*~*~

Nikolas absentmindedly stroked his cast, running his fingers over the rough plaster surface. His arm had finally stopped aching so he'd been able to discontinue his pain medication. He'd hated feeling dopey and sleeping half of the day, although Alexis had enjoyed babying him. He'd slept through most of Lucky's pneumonia crisis and had been shocked and relieved when he'd talked to his brother on the phone. When Lucky had told him he was going home, Nikolas had decided then that the time was right for the brief trip he knew he must make.

Nikolas smiled wistfully. He'd been on his own for the last year or so since his uncle had been killed. Step by step he had shut down and denied himself the reality of his pain and loss by burying himself in business activities, fancy women and the readily available social drugs of the European party circuit. His life had seemed futile at that time - both of his father figures were dead, cut off in the prime of life. He'd felt like his life wasn't worth much, and he'd clung to his new motto of "eat, drink and be merry."  For tomorrow you'll be the Prince, which had seemed like the equivalent of death to him. Without Stefan to continually feed him with the mantra of duty and responsibility, he'd chucked it all in favor of the mindless of oblivion of day to day pleasures.

Was he that different from his little brother? Hadn't he lived the equivalent lifestyle within the safety net of his immense wealth?  And the safety net of mental and physical health, Nikolas reminded himself. He'd been able to drink regularly and imbibe in drugs without loosing control. Nikolas shifted uneasily in his seat as a sad look took over his features. He ran a hand over his hair nervously. I have a worse problem with women, though. Lucky seems able to be respectful and to control himself. Not me. Monique hadn't enjoyed being dismissed and sent back to France. Sure, she'd willingly spent his money on designer clothes and copious makeup, but she'd had feelings for him as well - feelings he'd stepped on when she became inconvenient. How many other women had he hurt - women that gave themselves willingly to him but were thrown away when he tired of them for one reason or another? It wasn't right, and his conscience had been bothering him plenty.

Maybe Lucky and I received different inheritances from our fathers. He's an addict, and I'm a womanizer. It's a shame both of us were living through our lowest common denominators - inherited vices. Well, we're both rising above. Nikolas fingered the nicotine patch that he'd immediately bought when his brother had informed him he'd quit smoking. He hasn't indulged in alcohol and drugs, and I've given up drugs, alcohol and women. Celibacy sucks.

He reached for the phone and opened his organizer, the very one that Lucky had bought and programmed for him. He located Renée's data and dialed her number.

"Renée?" he asked in a soft voice when she answered the phone. "It's Nikolas Cassadine. I'm sorry I haven't called for a few days. I've mostly been sleeping."

Nikolas listened to her reply. "I'm healing," he answered. "I feel better, and my brother left the hospital yesterday. My aunt's in town, so she's been looking after me." Nikolas paused and took in a deep breath.  "Um, I wanted to know if you'd have breakfast with me next week. I know you have a night shift schedule, so I thought it would be nice if we went to a special place after you get off of work. How about next Wednesday?"

Nikolas smiled as he listened to her affirmative reply. "Good. Then it's settled. If you stop by my office, we can go together in my car."

Nikolas hung up the phone and luxuriated in the content feeling that welled up inside of him. We're taking it slowly. I'll get to know her, ask her questions, and enjoy the pace. Okay. This is working. He recalled their conversations and the way that her eyes sparkled when she talked to him. He felt a shiver of excitement in his stomach, and he laughed as he held his hand over that area. She's really pretty. I haven't been this excited about a girl since high school.

"Mr. Cassadine?" Nikolas looked up into the stewardess' friendly face. "We'll be landing in five minutes. The captain has requested that we fasten our seatbelts."

"Thank you," Nikolas stated as he nodded and reached for the belt buckle. He sighed deeply and ran his hand over his face as he looked out the window at the geometric shapes of green, brown and blue that outlined the fields, lakes and civilization of the city he was visiting. His expression turned grim as his mother's face arose in his mind. Mother.

~*~*~*~

Lucky hung onto a side rail in the golf cart as if his life depended on it. Edward sure is a speedster for an old guy, he thought as the green landscape whizzed by in his peripheral vision. Edward was driving the golf cart with a wicked aggressiveness that would rival a race car driver in a bad mood. He had a lead foot and sped the golf cart along at its maximum speed, honking with a high pitched horn at any stray golfers that happened to get in his way by actually playing golf. Edward's face was wrinkled with the intensity of his purpose, and Lucky's was equally intense with apprehension.

"You almost hit that guy back there," Lucky pointed out. "He took a dive behind his golf bag."

"Almost," Edward said. "Next time I'll aim better."

Lucky laughed in spite of himself and decided to relax while Edward played terrify the golfer. He breathed in deeply and smiled in appreciation at the warm, sunny morning and the beauty of his surroundings. His deep breath caught in his lungs and set off a coughing fit. Lucky grabbed a tissue and turned away from Edward as he kept coughing. He felt Edward's hand patting him on the knee, and he turned toward the old man.

"It's time we got back," Edward said. "I've shown you nine holes. I think you understand the layout of the course."

Lucky nodded thankfully. "I've practiced putting," he said out of the blue. Why did I bring that up?

"You have?" Edward asked with a surprised, beaming face.  "You're a very proactive young man with excellent planning abilities - unlike the young ingrates that I'm forced to live with."

Lucky pushed away a few jabs of fear at the memory of hitting Faison with a golf club. "I enjoyed it," he said. "My brother gave me a set of golf clubs - beginner clubs he called them." Minus one bent up putter, he thought nervously. "I messed around on a putting green one afternoon and found that I liked it."

"We'll make you a sterling business golfer yet," Edward stated. "Many business deals are cut on the golf course. It is a gentleman's sport. If you learn to play an elegant game, the world will be at your feet."

"Prince Lucas," Lucky said with a snort. "That's what my brother calls me."

"See?" Edward smiled. "He recognizes his own kind."

Lucky smiled and pulled on his lower lip as he thought. "Maybe you're right."

~*~*~*~

Lucky had a hard time selecting a dish to order at the country club. He peered several times over the large, plastic covered menu that was tied with a bright maroon ribbon on its spine. The words, Port Charles Country Club, were imprinted on the front in an austentatious, curvy font. The menu selections were without prices, and that made him nervous. He was longing for the hamburger platter that was advertised in the sandwich section, but he didn't want Edward to think he was a kid who couldn't handle a fancier dish. Besides, he knew the hamburger would slop all over the place and soil the pristine, white tablecloth with ketchup or mustard. What should he do? Finally, he selected a chicken fingers dish that he could eat with his knife and fork. Hopefully Edward wouldn't object to that for some odd reason.

Lucky laid down his menu and took a long sip of his ice water. When he set the glass down, he noticed that Edward was staring at him with fierce blue eyes that seemed to bore holes into his head. Ohmigod! It's just like that Quartermaine dinner back in December! He's going to stare at me the whole time while I'm eating. I'm going to make a mistake for sure.

Lucky smiled shakily. "Thank you for the tour of the golf course," he said as he folded his hands on the table.

Edward irritably waved a red, cloth napkin in his direction before pausing to lay it across his lap. Lucky immediately grabbed his napkin and did likewise, although he rattled his silverware at a high decibel in the process. Edward folded his hands together and formed a pensive look on his lined face. "You are starting your college courses this fall," he stated more like a demand than a question.

"Yes, sir, uh, Edward," Lucky answered. He blinked hard and wondered what his lips were doing because he was trying not to frown but didn't want to look like a smiling chimp either.

"You'll be attending Port Charles University with Emily," Edward commented. "What will you study? Computer science I believe you mentioned before."

Lucky nodded. "I'll take general studies courses for the first semester - to get them out of the way. The second semester I'll start taking courses in my major, which is computer science for now."

"And work? Will you be working during this time?"

Lucky bit down hard on his teeth as he was very nervous and unsure of what to tell Edward. Certainly, he couldn't tell him the truth, which was that both Kevin and Tony recommended that he avoid employment for the first year of school until he settled into a comfortable routine. No stress for the crazy guy. His fingers played with the hem of the napkin in his lap. "I'll begin working the following year," he said. "Perhaps I'll pursue an internship, something that will tie in with my studies." Lucky's face relaxed as he decided that was a very good answer.

Edward's face beamed. "A strategic planner!" he said loudly as he waved the knife in Lucky's direction, making the kid instinctively flinch. "See? I told Monica and Alan that you would go far. Well, at least Monica's come around." Lucky gulped at the idea that the Quartermaines had discussed him somewhere in the bowels of their mansion.

"Emily still seems very taken with you," Edward said in a low voice. Lucky started in his seat at the abrupt change in the conversation. Edward had continually surprised him over the last hour. Maybe that's his business tactic, Lucky wondered. Keep them guessing.

"I'm glad," Lucky replied as his face lit up. "She's very special to me."

Edward cleared his throat. "You know, young man. You aren't so different from me when I was your age. But I hope you learn your lesson sooner than I did."

Lucky looked stricken as he waited for Edward's next revelation.

"Fidelity is a very good character trait," Edward intoned. "For some it must be consciously built. For others it is natural." Edward's bushy white eyebrows knit together in a frown. "I recommend you acquire that trait."

"Yes, sir," Lucky squeaked out. He cleared his throat, annoyed that he'd made such a wimpy sound with his voice. It was as bad as when his voice had changed in junior high. He nervously fingered the menu on the table and sighed in relief when the waiter came to take their order.

~*~*~*~

Bobbie looked up from the pile of wallpaper books that littered the ottoman in front of her and the floor all around the chair where she was sitting. "Hey there," she said as she rose from the chair and walked over to Lucky. Lucky was standing in the foyer with the plastic bag full of Edward's fluorescent golf balls.

"How are you doing?" Bobbie was worried at how flushed and tired Lucky looked. She held her hand to his forehead. Lucky irritably shooed her away and placed the golf balls on the marble-topped table.

"Hey!" Bobbie exclaimed. "You felt hot to me."

Lucky coughed miserably and shook his head. "I'm tired."

"How did it go with Edward?"

"It was fine. He's a crazy man in the golf cart. He kept trying to mow people down." Lucky laughed and then coughed raggedly. He sagged against a nearby wall. "He bought me lunch at the country club and warned me to be faithful to his granddaughter. At least he still likes me. That was the point for meeting him today. I need Edward to be on my side because Alan hates me."

"Alan wouldn't like anyone who dated his daughter," Bobbie replied. "Monica likes you. She's said nice things about you."

Lucky nodded slowly. "That's good."

Bobbie frowned. "I don't want to hover but did you take your pill at lunch?"

"Oh crap!" Lucky exclaimed. "I forgot. Let me get a glass of water."

Bobbie watched Lucky walk to the kitchen and noticed that his left foot dragged slightly in comparison to the right one. Lucky stumbled and kept walking. When he returned, Bobbie pointed her finger toward the stairs. "Go to bed," she ordered.

"I know," Lucky said. "I'm not arguing."

"And stay there for the entire afternoon."

Lucky waved away his aunt as he climbed the stairs.

~*~*~*~

That evening...

Bobbie sat on the padded vanity bench in the master bathroom and watched Tony. He  combed his wet hair and stared into the mirror while he struggled to achieve a straight part. Bobbie's eyes ran down the length of his bare back to the rounded tush that was covered by a blue towel wrapped low around his hips. She giggled, and Tony turned with a questioning expression on his face. "Quit watching me," he said. "You're making me nervous."

"And where am I supposed to look?" Bobbie replied. "You’re displaying yourself by walking around in that tiny towel."

Tony made an obscene motion with his hips, and Bobbie snorted. "What's next? The Chippendales?"

"I'm too fine for them," Tony sniffed. "They'd have to beg me first."

"I want the Full Monty!" Bobbie crowed as she clapped her hands in a lively rhythm.

"Okay," Tony sighed. He quickly flashed her with the towel and then resumed combing his hair.

Bobbie wrapped her arms around him and rested her cheek against his back. "Love you."

"Love you more."

Bobbie patted him on the back. "I have a Lucky question."

"What about?"

"When he came home after lunch, I watched him walk to the kitchen and noticed that his left foot dragged. He stumbled."

"He was tired?" Tony asked.

Bobbie nodded. "He was worn out."

"Well," Tony stated. "His MRI after the poisoning showed a few areas on his brain that might have damage. Basically, he's fine, but it's entirely possible that he sustained minor damage to some nerves. We weren't able to conduct further neurological tests because of his psychosis and then the pneumonia."

"Do you think it's permanent?"

"It might be," Tony replied. "If he has nerve damage, it might show up when he's tired, like today. I'll make sure to have him walk for me when he's feeling better."

"You're awfully calm about it."

Tony turned around and leaned against the sink. "What am I supposed to do, Bobbie? I can't fall apart every time Lucky has a problem. I don't want to buy trouble. I'll check him out, and if there's nerve damage, we'll deal with it. I don't show my emotions like you do. It doesn't mean that I don't care. You Spencers are a volatile lot. We Joneses are more even tempered."

Bobbie shook her head.  "It's not all about genes," she disagreed. "But I get your point. I know you're as concerned about Lucky as I am. I'm sorry I implied otherwise."

Tony leaned in to kiss her. "Forgiven." He raised his eyebrows. "But you owe me, woman. Later..." He pulled off his towel and swatted Bobbie with it as she shrieked and jumped back. 

~*~*~*~

Next day...

"I've got it!" Lucky raced to the front door, stopped himself to catch his breath and smooth his hair before turning the handle.

Tony whispered into Bobbie's ear. "Heaven forbid one of us should answer the door when Miss Emily is expected." Bobbie swatted him on the arm to be quiet.

"Hi Emily," Lucky said shyly as he stood to the side to allow her to enter.

Emily was wearing a tiny blue teeshirt that barely covered her midriff and a matching pair of slim capri pants. Lucky's eyes couldn’t help drifting to the swath of bare skin that exposed itself when she moved. He smirked as he ran his hand through his hair. "Thanks for coming early. I wanted us to talk before dinner."

"Hi Lucky!" Emily said. She took his hand and rose on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek.

Lucky smiled broadly and squeezed her hand but didn't release it. He walked with her hand in hand into the living room. "You said it's okay if we use your study for awhile," he said as he looked seriously at his uncle.

"Of course," Tony said. "Dinner's not for an hour Take all the time you need."

Emily looked over her shoulder as Lucky led her down the hallway. "Thanks," she called out.

Lucky closed the door to the study. "Oh. I forgot to ask if you want something to drink?"

Emily shook her head as she looked around the study at the rows of books, the large executive desk, and the window with the great view of the back yard.  "Let's sit on the loveseat," Lucky said as he extended his hand. He was becoming more formal as his nerves were on edge. He wiped the palms of his hands on the front of his jeans and sighed as he sat down.

Lucky reached for Emily's hands. "First things first," he said in a voice made husky by the effect of her physical proximity. "Will you kiss me?"  He looked from Emily's eyes to her lips and back again as his own eyes turned hazy with desire.

Emily smiled and nodded. She closed her eyes and leaned toward Lucky as he took her arms in his hands and pulled her close to his chest. His hands gently stroked her shoulders and the length of her arms as his soft lips met hers, first hesitantly, touching her with the softness of a butterfly landing on a flower, but then pressing harder as he passionately slid his lips over hers with a hypnotic rhythm that made her feel like she'd fallen into a dreamlike state where time stood still or didn't exist at all. Lucky's hands reached for the sides of her face and lightly stroked her hair as he parted her lips and began jousting with her tongue in a wild dance. He then slowed down the pace with long, soft strokes of his tongue and lips, finally finishing with a tender peck on her lips.

Emily's eyes slowly rose to look deep into Lucky's eyes, and they remained locked into one another for long seconds.  Lucky pulled her into a gentle hug and whispered, "I love you," into her ear.

He rose from the loveseat and placed his hands into his jeans pockets. "I owe you an explanation. I'm kind of nervous, so if I pace around or don't look directly at you, that's why."

"Okay," Emily said as she leaned back into the loveseat and steeled herself to hear something that she instinctively knew would be very painful for both of them.

"I slept with a girl a few months ago, as you know. There are reasons why and how it happened. That's what I want to tell you." He cleared his throat and looked out the window, his eyes losing focus as he recalled other times and places. "I was sexually abused while I was held captive at the compound." He glanced quickly at Emily. "I suppose you guessed that?"

Emily's lips tightened and she nodded.

"Okay," Lucky sighed. "When I was released from the compound, I was psychotic. The current problems that I have started in the compound. I've been struggling with them ever since." Lucky sat down on the executive desk chair and rocked it slightly. "The illness that I have is called schizoaffective disorder. It's kind of a combination of depression and schizophrenia and is in between both of them as far as how serious it is. It's a chronic disorder; it won't go away, and I'll need to take medication for it for probably the rest of my life."

Lucky looked over at Emily. "Just wanted you to know what you're in for if you stay with me. I had a stress disorder, too, but that's mostly treated and a direct result of what happened to me at the compound." Lucky looked down at the desk with a blank expression. "I was tortured."

He rose again from the chair and turned to the window with his arms crossed. He was silent for a minute, and Emily watched him carefully from her position on the loveseat. Her heart was heavy with the information that Lucky was providing, but he hadn't said anything yet that shocked her or that she didn't already know or guess. Lucky's voice startled her when he began to speak again. She blinked her eyes and refocused, trying her best to absorb what he was trying to say.

"The compound isn't the first time I'd been molested," he explained slowly in a pain-filled voice. "What happened at the compound was very violent. Some of the other abuse was less so. But, it doesn't matter in a way. It all had a similar effect on me."

Lucky returned to the desk chair and bent over the desk with his head in his hands. "When I was little, my dad traveled. A couple of times, the trips were very long, maybe a few months." He shook his head and rifled his fingers through his hair with enough force that it seemed like he was pulling on it. "My mother was angry that he was gone. She took in a variety of lovers. They stayed at our house. Both my mother and the men pretty much bullied me and beat me so I was too afraid to tell my dad when he returned. I won't bother you with the details, but several of the men my mother slept with abused me also. They'd come into my room at night when they thought she was sleeping. She knew about some of it and let it happen. She blamed me for it and beat me up, locked me in the closet and stuff. The sad part is that I didn't remember much of this until recently when Kevin hypnotized me. That's why I ran into the door and broke my face and my brain." Lucky laughed bitterly and banged himself in the head with his fists. "I was stupid."

"Lucky!" Emily's teary voice exclaimed. "Don't hit yourself. It wasn't your fault. You handled it the best you knew how."

Lucky's fists froze in the air, and he stared at them. "Sorry. I didn't realize I was doing that. See what a crazy bastard I am?"

"Lucky, stop it. You're judging yourself. Do you want to stop talking about it?"

Lucky glanced at Emily's tearstained face and winced. He jumped up from the chair and began pacing. "I don't want to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad by telling you all of this, but you have the right to know if you're going to be with me, okay?"

Lucky continued to pace. "When I tried to kill myself in December, it was after I was attacked in a GH men's room. A man attacked me sexually and beat me up. I didn't remember it. It was like before when I was a kid. I was somewhere else in my consciousness when these things happened. It's fairly common. It's called dissociation. It's partly why I had that stress disorder I was telling you about. All the memories would come back at the wrong times, bits and pieces of them, and I'd have flashbacks like I was reliving it. It's why I was in the hospital so long. I had to work through that stuff so I could get to the other side and start living again. Anyway, I tried to kill myself on Christmas Day and one other time at the hospital because I was depressed. I wasn't feeling very good about myself in a lot of ways, particularly in the masculinity department. I mean, here I was a virgin in terms of being with a girl, but with lots of unwanted experience with men or should I say perverts. I was confused. I'd always wanted to be with a girl, but it never worked out. I was wondering if I was really gay or something because all of these men attacking me and maybe I asked for it in some way."

Lucky swore under his breath as he shook his head. "Dammit. Well, that's where my head was at when I had a major seizure - that's my epilepsy problem. So you can see what a mess I am. It takes me fifteen minutes to explain to someone what all my problems are. Well, I was majorly out of it and dazed when my un-wonderful Aunt Amy stopped by and harassed me about my mother. I couldn't handle it, so I bolted. I left the hospital and wandered around until I saw the help wanted sign in the White Castle. It was my ticket to money and freedom or so I thought. When I signed on for work and filled out the paper work, I noticed that my birthday was in a few days and that I'd be nineteen years old, the nineteen year old quasi-gay virgin. It kind of slapped me in the face."

Lucky stopped pacing and leaned against the door as he slumped over and stared at the floor.    "Elizabeth and I..." he started out before choking and stopping. He took in a deep breath, coughed and then continued. "Elizabeth and I were close to starting a real sexual relationship when I was kidnapped. We took it really, really slow because of her rape. What I didn't remember at the time is that the same thing had happened to me. I guess that's why I was always so hyper about her attack and about trying to protect her."

Lucky let out a long breath of air between his pursed lips. "When I was homeless, I used to hang out at the White Castle because it was cheap rent. It was warm, and I could be off the streets, a little bit safe, and eat a few hamburgers for almost no money. There were lots of prostitutes that used to hang out there for the same reasons. They'd come and go with customers. Most of them were high tech with beepers and stuff. Anyway, there was one girl there that like me a lot even though I was kind of skeletal with no meat on my bones and high off my ass all the time. I had long, dirty hair, too. That was me. She liked me for some odd reason, and we talked. We hung out at a graveyard for awhile, kissing and stuff. Then, she touched me wrong, and I tried to kill her. I shot my gun at her. You remember the gun I had in my hand when you found me passed out in the park? That's the one."

Lucky paused. "Are you okay? I'm kind of spilling my guts here, but can you take hearing all of this?" Lucky's eyes searched Emily's face for clues as to her level of distress. Emily sat up straighter in the loveseat and held her hands together in her lap. "I'm upset at hearing this, but I can take it. I'm okay. As long as you're feeling all right discussing this, I can listen."

"Okay," Lucky replied. "So I almost killed the girl, freaked her out. Well, here I show up at the White Castle again months later, maybe twenty pounds heavier and with short hair. She recognizes me in spite of this, tries to bolt from the restaurant, but I catch up with her to apologize. We had a cup of coffee so I could explain, and we got to talking as I walked her back home. It turns out she'd been raped a lot - much like me. It sort of gave us a bond - victims united, that type of thing.  She invited me to stay at her house since I was homeless again, and I accepted. We slept together - that's how it happened. Honestly, Emily, I wasn't thinking much or very clearly. I was dazed from the aftereffects of the seizure, feeling bad about my masculinity, ashamed of being a virgin at my age, and feeling a bond with someone who had similar problems. I was confused, depressed, doing illegal drugs and not taking the legal ones. I know it's no excuse, but it's an explanation of how and why it happened. Afterwards, I did feel guilty. I remembered us. Emily, I am so sorry I hurt you. You mean the world to me, honestly you do."

Lucky sat beside Emily on the loveseat and pulled her into a hug. He held her, and the two of them rocked with the strong emotions that were between them. They shook with the tears that they shared, and when they separated, both laughed at how soggy they were. "Tissues," Lucky said as he sought out the box on top of Tony's desk. He took a tissue and gently wiped away Emily's tears before attending to his own tear-streaked face. "You're beautiful even when you're sad," he said. "I'm so sorry."

Lucky sat back in the loveseat and sighed as he looked down. "I’m damaged goods, Emily. All of this...these things that happened...messed me up inside. I don't feel the same anymore. I know I don't act the same. It makes everyone sad - me too, I guess." Lucky raised his hands and slapped them on his thighs. "I'm trying, I really am, but I may never be completely normal again. Even if the psych drugs don't mess me up, I'm still going to have problems when it comes to sex. I'd have to be careful because some things freak me out. It's because of what happened to me. I need to feel like I'm in control for one. I guess that feeds into why I slept with that girl." Lucky finally paused and looked hard at Emily. "So. What do you think?" He bit his lower lip as he waited for her to speak.

Emily held out a shaking hand and placed it over Lucky's mouth. "You don't have to talk about it anymore for now. I know it's hard to talk about - the sex stuff." She lowered her hand and wrapped it around Lucky's. "I'd guessed that you'd been raped at the compound from what you'd said to me earlier when we were on the docks."

"I was afraid of that," Lucky interrupted.

"There's nothing wrong with me knowing," Emily replied. "I’m glad that I know. I mean, it's not welcome, but it's a part of you, right? I want to know all of you, so I have to see the bad as well as the good."

Lucky nodded. "Yeah," he breathed out.

"You listened to me endlessly when I went on and on about how badly Juan treated me," Emily continued. "In return, I don't mind listening, and I'd be willing to listen in the future if you need to talk."

"Does that mean..." Lucky began hopefully. An earnest look descended on his face, and his heart was pounding.

Emily broke out in tears again, but this time she laughed. "Yes. You know what it means, Spencer. I can't resist you. I love you. I need you in my life. What else can I say?" Emily's lips trembled as she looked into Lucky's eyes.

"Do you forgive me?" Lucky asked in a tremulous voice.

"I forgive you," Emily said.

Lucky grabbed Emily and pulled her into a bear hug that squashed the air out of both of their lungs. He stroked her hair repeatedly and started crying again. "Thank you," he said in a choked voice. "I won't hurt you like that again. I promise." He jumped when he felt a sharp fingernail dig into his side.

"You'd better not," Emily said with a raised eyebrow. "I'll be out for blood if there ever is a next time."

"Buffy!" Lucky exclaimed as he jumped back on the loveseat and held his fingers in the sign of the cross.

"Blood, baby," Emily smirked as she leaned over Lucky and lightly bit his neck. "I want your blood."

"Ah, sweetheart," Lucky joked. "Suck away."

Next...