Devolution TOC

Chapter 127

Blessed are those whose hearts are pure.

They will see God.

Nikolas knocked on the door and waited until he heard a positive response inviting him to enter. "Hi Lucky," he said when he saw his brother stretched out on his bed. "Are you still feeling ill?"

Lucky rubbed his hand over his face and coughed. "Yeah, you could say that. Aunt Bobbie ordered me to stay in bed all day after I wore myself out visiting Emily yesterday. I almost passed out on top of her roast beef at dinner. You should have seen her face."

Nikolas laughed as he sat down on Lucky's desk chair. "She has a redhead's temper, but I'm glad she knocked some sense into you. How's Emily?"

Lucky's face brightened. "She's great. She always is. We had our talk two days ago, and she forgave me. It was hard, real hard. But now she knows everything."

"So you feel better about the relationship?"

"Yeah. I guess. Everything's out in the open. I felt bad afterwards, kind of exposed and uneasy, but I'm okay now." Lucky propped himself up on his elbow and leaned his head against his hand. His eyes swept over Nikolas' cast. "How's the arm?"

Nikolas held his arm up to inspect it. "It's healing. It doesn't hurt anymore, but I swear I must have slept more than I ever have in my entire life. While you were having your pneumonia crisis, I was snoozing in the hotel room. I slept twenty hours! Can you believe it?"

"Must have been the right thing to do," Lucky said. "Sometimes the body knows best."

Nikolas nodded. He nervously tapped his fingertips against his cast. "Hey Lucky? I visited someone yesterday. I took the Cassadine jet out for a spin."

Lucky's eyebrows rose. "I didn't know you were taking a trip. Business or pleasure?"

"Neither really. More like obligation. I visited our mother in North Carolina." Nikolas watched Lucky closely to determine if he were distressed.

Lucky's face looked blank. "Oh."

"I had some things to work out with her," Nikolas explained. "She needed to hear my reactions to her behavior, and I needed to get it off of my chest."

Lucky gave him a sly grin. "So you reamed her, huh? Ripped her a new one?"

Nikolas was puzzled by Lucky's slang term, but he smiled and nodded. "I was tense with her, let's say."

"Good," Lucky said. "Good for you. It's about time you stood up to her. She did some rotten things to you, too. Not just me."

"Yes," Nikolas agreed. He looked down at the floor as he composed himself to continue. "I asked her point blank about the family medical history. I know you and Kevin had some questions. I thought I might be able to help."

Lucky's eyebrow rose. "And?"

Nikolas cleared his throat. "Our mother has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She's taking lithium for it."

Lucky sat up on the edge of the bed. "Really? That's wild. It might explain some things - the way she's acted over the years. Kind of unstable and moody."

"You're being kind," Nikolas said dryly. He rubbed the back of his neck. "There's more."

Lucky rubbed his hands together. "Oh, goodie. More junk from the family pile."

"This is serious, Lucky. It potentially affects me as well. Especially if I have children."

Lucky frowned. "I'm serious. I'm trying not to get upset, that's all."

"I know," Nikolas sighed. "Okay. Here it is. You know our mother had a natural father who she'd never met? Her birth father?"

"Yeah," Lucky said as he pulled on his lower lip. "She never really talked about him, but somehow I know. Someone told me."

Nikolas nodded. "Apparently he had schizophrenia. He was a college professor but spent a lot of time in the hospital because of it."

"Bingo," Lucky said softly. "Both of those disorders appear in one family. It makes sense that someone would inherit my illness."

"It's good to know," Nikolas stated. "It hasn't directly affected me, but any children I might have..."

Lucky waved away Nikolas' concern. "I hear you, but don't sweat it. Life happens, you know? Besides, aren't Cassadines sorta nuts as well? Maybe you'd better worry if Junior becomes unnaturally interested in ice cubes and the freezer."

Nikolas made a mock punching gesture in Lucky's direction. "You are totally bad. Unredeemable."

Lucky smirked. "Just like my dad."

"Hm," Nikolas said. "Aren't we both? But only the best qualities."

~*~*~*~

Lucky leaned toward the bathroom mirror and inspected his face. Dammit! He ran his fingers over his bumpy cheek and grimaced at his reflection. More pimples. His face was now more broken out than when he'd been fourteen. What was going on? He'd read the insert on his antipsychotic medication and discovered that it might be the culprit. There were minimal sexual sideffects with this one, but of course it did something else to him.

Lucky smeared more acne lotion over his face and hoped for the best. He was now determined to grow some type of a beard to hide his face, although it still didn't grow in fully on the cheeks. No matter. He'd simply go back to the goatee that he'd worn while he'd been in the hospital. It looked decent.

Lucky fluffed his hair with his fingers and shook his head. It was a miracle that Emily still found him attractive. His hair was at that growing out stage where it was no longer short but stuck out in odd places, giving him an unkempt look that no amount of gel or hairspray would fix. He hoped it would be longer by the time he started school.

Lucky exited the bathroom and made his way through the house. The last few years had been a living hell for him, but he was starting to relax again and have hope for the future. He was settling into a groove within the newly reformed Spencer Jones family, and it felt good to be a part of something positive.

"Okay, I'm ready," Lucky announced as he slammed out of the side door. Lucas and Lulu were waiting for him in the backyard. He'd promised to turn the hose on them in the sweltering summer heat wave. "I still don't see why you don't want to run through the lawn sprinkler by yourselves. What's so special about this?"

"It's more fun!" Lulu shouted as she bounced up and down. "You can surprise and scare us."

"Oh, so this is going to be a run around and scream your lungs out game," Lucky chuckled. He remembered being Lulu's age, and he'd been even more hyper than her. Maybe more like Lucas. Only, he'd had his parents for friends and companions since they'd been on the run so much during that time. Lucky reflected that Lulu was experiencing a better, more stable upbringing than he had, and he was relieved for her. He'd been so anxious to settle down once he'd reached her age. He'd have given anything to have the same house to go home to every day after school. By the time they'd moved to Port Charles, he didn't feel like a kid anymore, more like a mini-adult. The innocence of Lulu and Lucas sometimes made him feel envious, as if he'd missed out on something important, something that could never be recaptured.

Lucky turned on the hose and smiled wickedly when he tested the water with his fingers. "It's quite cold," he said in a low, dangerous voice. "Who will be my first victim?"

"Not me!" Lucas shrieked as he darted away from Lucky. "You can't reach me!"

Lucky stood up and twisted the hose back and forth with a motion of his wrist as if he couldn't decide which kid to torment first. "I wouldn't count on that!" he yelled as he aimed the hose in Lucas' direction with deadly accuracy.

"AHHH!" Lucas screamed as he was assaulted with the very tip of the spurt of freezing water. He jumped up and down in a futile attempt to stay warm. "I've got goosebumps!"

"Serves you right," Lucky replied. "You asked for it." He suddenly turned and blasted Lulu full force in the stomach, causing his little sister to scream loudly and shake her arms up and down.

"No fair, Lucky! You didn't warn me," she scolded.

"Those aren't the rules of the game," Lucky said. "Haha. I make up the rules as we go along because I'm master of the hose."  

~*~*~*~

Frisco was off on a daytrip with his daughters, and Bobbie was shopping and running errands. Lucky was put in charge of watching over Lucas and Lulu, and he took that assignment seriously. Bobbie had explained that she'd only be gone for two hours, and Lucky had readily agreed to babysit as he knew it definitely was no fun dragging along two complaining kids when you were trying to save time. Lucas and Lulu were the typical kids who were overly interested in garbage cereals and treats to the exclusion of healthy fruits and vegetables. Bobbie had a much easier time at the grocery with them safely at home.

Lucky held his head in his hands while he watched the kids running around the backyard. They'd been moving nonstop for the last hour, and he was worn out from watching them.  According to Tony and Bobbie, while they were away, Lucky was responsible for helping out with Lucas' diabetes, and Lucas was responsible for keeping an eye on Lucky's epilepsy. The two cousins were partners, and Tony had trained both of them what to do if an emergency occurred.  Lucky's eyes narrowed as he observed Lucas. Lucas was often too hyper for his own good and ran himself ragged when playing. Lucky cupped his hand beside his mouth. "Lucas! Come here a second."

"I don't want to," Lucas called back as he resumed chasing Harley.

"Now, Lucas," Lucky stated in his best serious adult voice.

"Okay," Lucas said with regret. He walked up to Lucky with slumped shoulders and asked, "What?"

"You need to take a break. I'm going to fix you a snack." Lucky rose to his feet. Lucas' eyes looked glassy to him. "You seem tired, and I noticed you didn't finish all of your lunch. It's time to take a break and eat something."

"Whatever," Lucas sighed as he followed his older cousin into the house.

Lucky pointed to the table. "Sit down while I pour you some juice." Lucky rummaged around the pantry and refrigerator and managed to fix Lucas a piece of bread and peanut butter to accompany his orange juice.

"I feel better!" Lucas exclaimed as he munched away. "You're right. I needed to eat."

Lucky smiled at his cousin, happy that he could help the boy. "You look better," he noted. "Not as pale."

Lucas laughed. "I'm the one who's gonna be a doctor. You'll be the computer geek."

Lucky bust out laughing and swatted at Lucas' arm. "Where do you get these ideas? I'm going to be a computer programmer."

"You're still a geek," Lucas challenged. He wagged his eyebrows at Lucky, trying to start a pseudo-fight.

"And you're a troll," Lucky smirked. "They dug you out from under a rock and threw a baby blanket around you. You're not even a human being. There was a mix-up at the hospital." Lucky bugged out his eyes and stuck his tongue out in imitation of the troll baby.

Lucas made a face at Lucky and continued to eat. "You need to lie down," he observed. "You look pale, too. And you're coughing. If you don't rest, you won't get better."

"Yes, Dr. Jones," Lucky said. "But, I have to watch you and Lulu. You've been racing around the yard all afternoon."

"We'll play inside," Lucas offered as he dusted the crumbs off his hands and finished his orange juice. "You helped me; now I can help you."

Lucky's face softened at his young cousin's kindness. "Okay, it's a deal. That's cool. You play in the living room or watch some TV, and I'll lie down on the couch."

"Deal," Lucas said proudly as he stuck his palm out to shake Lucky's hand.

~*~*~*~

"Lucky?" Bobbie sat on the edge of the sofa and ran a hand over her nephew's back. "Are you okay?"

Lucky slowly opened his eyes and looked confused. "You're home?" he asked with a tired voice.

"I've been home for about twenty minutes," Bobbie said. "I unloaded the groceries from the car and put them away. You never woke up the whole time I was coming and going. I think I slammed the door a few times by accident."

Lucky propped his head up with a pillow and frowned. "I was tired after playing with Lucas and Lulu. Lucas said they'd play inside so I could lie on the couch. Oh, I gave him a snack by the way. He was running too much and needed to eat. He had a peanut butter sandwich and orange juice."

Bobbie smiled, grateful that Lucky was so attentive to her son. "Lucas told me. He was impressed that you could tell he needed food even before he did. He also said you didn't look well yourself."

"Dr. Jones," Lucky said wryly. "He's been staring at me and following me around ever since I came home. He says I'm good practice for when he becomes a doctor. Lucky me."

Bobbie smiled. "What can we expect when his mom is a nurse and his dad's a surgeon? He's still at the stage where he worships the ground his dad walks on."

Lucky chuckled bitterly. "It won't last, Aunt Bobbie. He'll be a teenager in a few years."

"Don't remind me," Bobbie said. "Let me have my illusion that all is well."

Lucky nodded. "I was a bad teenager," he said, distractedly brushing off his jeans. "I was pretty mean to Dad."

Bobbie sighed. "I suppose you had your moments. But the circumstances were rough for you. I think everyone understands that. It's in the past."

"Yeah," Lucky agreed. He held the butt of his palm against his forehead. "I have a headache." He coughed raggedly and lay back down as he curled up on his side.

"I'm going to bring you a blanket so you can sleep some more. It's two hours until dinner. You might as well rest here."

When Bobbie returned, she spread the blanket over her nephew and tucked it around him. "Did you remember your antibiotic?" she questioned.

Lucky nodded.

"Do you feel feverish? I can bring you an aspirin."

"Okay," Lucky breathed out. "My head hurts. I can use one."

Bobbie came back a few minutes later with an aspirin and a small paper cup full of water. "Bottoms up," she said as she handed them over to Lucky.

"Thanks, Aunt Bobbie." Lucky hesitated. "I also want to thank you for your care and attention while I was in the hospital. You made me feel loved and like I wasn't alone. I was scared, and you helped me so much. I just wanted you to know how I felt and that I love you."

Bobbie's eyes moistened as she looked into Lucky's sincere face. "You're making me cry," she scolded him as she wiped at her tears. "I love you bunches, you know."

Lucky smiled. "I know."

~*~*~*~

Two days later...July 4

Lucky spread out an old blanket underneath a tree and carefully smoothed out its surface. "There," he announced with a twinkle in his eye.

"When did you become such a perfectionist?" Emily asked. She lowered herself to the blanket. "Thanks for rescuing me from my family. I thought they were going to start a food fight. AJ sure knows how to rile up Ned and Grandfather. I swear Grandfather was going to lob a chicken wing at his head, the way it was shaking in his hand." Emily made an imitation with her fingers wiggling, and Lucky cracked up as he leaned in for a kiss.

"Every family fights," he said. "Tony and Frisco almost came to blows over how to light the charcoal on the grill. They both think they're the best at barbecuing. It's funny to see old people ripping away at their siblings."

"See what you and Nikolas have to look forward to."

Lucky shook his head. "We got all of that out of our systems while we were young. There aren't any more threats or bad comments left. We've already used them up. Still, I'm sure we'll have our moments. Our personalities are different. He's a lot more serious than I am. I like to kick back and enjoy myself."

"You sure do!" Emily smiled when Lucky pulled her close to him for a long, soulful kiss. "You're out in the fresh air again," she reminded him as her eyes sparkled. "Is my virtue in danger?"

"Your virtue needs to be on maximum red alert whenever you're a few inches away from me," Lucky smirked. "I can't get enough of you," he whispered into Emily's ear as he stroked her long, silky hair.

"Ahhhemm."

Lucky looked up to the sight of his brother and a beautiful girl with long curly hair.  He sat up and smiled. "I wasn't sure if you were going to come. We ate all the food - you're too late for the picnic." 

"We were having dinner with Renée's family. They had a cookout at her home." Nikolas made all of the obligatory introductions, and Lucky gazed at Nikolas' date with curiosity as he'd had several conversations with Nikolas about this girl. His brother seemed smitten. He'd been somewhat mortified when Nikolas had told him that Renée had been his nurse in the ICU, but then he'd decided it was no big deal since she had many different patients each week. It wasn't like he was all that memorable.

"Why don't you join us?" Emily asked. "The fireworks start in about twenty minutes. We'll have a good view here."

Nikolas looked at Renée who nodded.

Lucky was struck by how the easygoing atmosphere and vibe between four people reminded him of the days when he, Nikolas, Emily and Elizabeth had been the four musketeers, hanging out at Kelly's Diner and brewing up all kinds of mischief. The configuration of people was different, but it was nice to have the same close feeling back. Amazingly, it felt as if the bad times were behind them.

Nikolas pointed at Lucky's guitar, which was propped against a nearby tree. "Will you serenade us while we wait for the fireworks?" he asked.

"Not for you, but maybe Emily and Renée would like to hear some music."

Emily clapped her hands, and Renée nodded enthusiastically. "I'd like to hear," Renée said.

Emily leaned in to her and whispered, "He's really good!"

When Lucky strummed the strings to warm up, Renée asked, "Do you like blues?"

Lucky gave her a lopsided grin. "I specialize in the blues."

"Lucky's father used to own a blues club," Nikolas said.

"I play the harmonica," Renée said. "I love to play the blues. Too bad I don't have it with me."

"Harmonica?" Nikolas asked. He kissed her cheek and rubbed her shoulders. "What other secrets do you have?"

Renée gently pulled on the back of Nikolas' hair. "Wouldn't you like to find out?"  

Lucky nodded to Nikolas. "This young lady has good taste. Only special people understand the blues. This song I'm going to play would be good for an electric guitar, but we'll make due with acoustics."

Emily's heart raced as Lucky's fingers began furiously strumming chords on his Martin guitar. He's so good. She smiled when Lucky began singing in his rough, husky tenor voice.

I was caught

I was out of excuses

But I was not

Above relearning all the rules

Yeah, I found out the hard way

There ain't no color to the blues

Lucky cleared his throat and continued with the song. His foot shot out slightly and nudged Nikolas so he would pay attention to the upcoming lyrics.

Now you can have

Al the oil in Arabia

You can have

All of the French girls out in France.

Lucky's eyes darted to Nikolas' so swiftly that only the two brothers caught the glance. Lucky smiled when Nikolas blushed.

It won't alter the basic equation

Ain't gonna change the circumstance

Love, love, love, love

Love is what you want

Love, love, love, love

Until you got it

You never will be satisfied

You're gonna chase the rainbow blind... *

Lucky finished playing and moved the guitar away from him. "I think I worked up an appetite again. I must have a hollow leg."

"Is anyone up for dessert?" Renée asked as she opened the brown paper bag that she had brought with her. "I have some homemade brownies left over from our picnic."

Emily pounced on her and helped her lay out the plate of brownies. "Super! We're all brownie hounds. We'll follow anybody with a brownie!"

"Especially Emily," Lucky teased as he grabbed Emily around the waist and tickled her. "Are you going to save one for me?"

"You can have two since you have that hollow leg," Renée commented as she handed him a napkin.

Everyone grew silent as they munched, and the fireworks display started with one or two discrete explosions highlighted against the quickly darkening sky. "It usually takes them awhile to get started," Lucky observed.

Emily nodded. "Yeah, the finale is the best when they shoot off all they have left in a big crescendo. I love it."

"Boom," Lucky whispered in her ear as he wrapped his arm around her. "Love you, sweet cheeks."

"Behave Lorenzo."

"I'm not sure I know how."

"I'm not sure I want you to."

~*~*~*~

Frisco and Alexis held hands as they walked through the park. Frisco pointed to an empty bench, and Alexis nodded. Alexis smiled as she glanced at Frisco. He sure cleans up well. He'd proven that when arrived for dinner the other night in a neat suit and tie. However, she preferred him in his close fitting Levis and teeshirt. Frisco and casual seemed to go together. She felt a spark every time he touched her, and just sitting with him holding hands was turning her into jelly. It had been ages since she'd felt like this. She enjoyed it. She'd been captivated by their dinner conversation. Frisco had a fine mind, and he was very interesting to listen to.

Frisco glanced appreciatively at Alexis when he thought she wouldn't notice. Did she know how absolutely cute she was when she laughed with her deep dimples and a light sprinkling of freckles over her nose that she seemed to want to hide. She had a great sense of humor. He hadn't laughed so much in years. Alexis had an irreverent take on life, and that suited him. He'd been obsessing lately over the direction his life was taking, and Alexis was a superb sounding board for his ideas. They'd even discussed the possibility of him going into law and politics, which seemed a natural segue from his career with the security agency.

Frisco slid his arm around Alexis' shoulder. "It's turning cooler as the sun goes down. Do you want my jacket?"

Alexis smiled appreciatively. "Sure. Thanks. I'd like that."

Frisco fitted his light jacket over her shoulders. Alexis breathed in deeply, noting Frisco's spicy scent on the garment. Frisco stared deeply into her eyes and gave her a grin. Impulsively, he leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"Daddy!"

Georgie's shrill voice cut through the park as she raced toward her father. "Peanut," Frisco said as he opened his arms. His delight in seeing his daughter was evident in his gestures and tone of voice. Georgie hugged her father and looked curiously at Alexis when they parted.

"Georgie, this is my friend, Alexis Davis. Alexis, this is my daughter, Georgie Jones."

Alexis smiled as she shook the little girl's hand. "It's nice to meet you, Georgie."

"Hi," Georgie replied shyly. She patted her dad on the arm. "I have to get back to Mommy and Mac," she said.

"Is Maxie with you?" Frisco asked.

Georgie nodded.

"Ask her to come and say hi when she has a minute."

"Okay. Bye, Daddy!"

"Cute," Alexis said when the little girl ran off.

"Smart, too," Frisco noted. "I've gotten to know her a lot better since I've been back in Port Charles."

"Are you planning to stay?" Alexis asked.

"Yes," Frisco replied. "I am." He reached out and took Alexis' hand as the fireworks began to display. "My family and friends are here. This is where I want to be."

~*~*~*~

Next day...

Lucky walked into the church narthex and looked around. Frisco had dropped him off with the promise of picking him up in an hour or so. Empty churches always creeped him out with their echoes and wide open spaces. It was as if he were intruding on a silent ritual with his clumsy human presence.

He entered the sanctuary and ran his fingers along the smooth wood of the back pew. He cleared his throat and jumped when the sound reverberated throughout the high ceilinged room. There was a large, life-sized wooden cross with a crown of thorns rimming its top hanging directly behind the simple altar, and his eyes fixed on that as he took a seat. He let out a long breath as he slumped in the pew.

He'd planned to talk to the pastor about the sermon he had attended before being poisoned by Faison. It had only been a week or so ago, but now it seemed like a lifetime. He felt uncomfortable talking to the pastor, but he'd seemed nice enough, so Lucky didn't think the man would bite his head off if he questioned some points in his sermon. He looked down at his folded hands and fidgeted with his thumbs, running them over one another. I'd better find the pastor, he thought with resignation. Get this over with. He rose and almost ran into the man.

"Excuse me," Lucky said. The pastor was casually dressed in jeans and a polo shirt and was carrying several flats of flowers.

"Good," Pastor Walker exclaimed. "I hereby deputize you as a volunteer. Will you help me carry these to the garden?"

Lucky took two flats and followed the pastor out of a side door. He entered a courtyard that was enclosed by brick walls, sort of a secret garden. "Wow," he said. "I didn't know this was out here." Several birds were nestled in ornamental trees, singing songs, and the area was fragrant with blooms of roses and other flowering shrubs.

"It's a close copy of an old monastic, enclosed garden. It's supposed to be a prayer garden where people can experience the calm of nature in a private area."

"Neat," Lucky said.

"Here," Pastor Walker directed as he pointed to an area to the left of Lucky. "This is where the flowers need to be planted. We have mostly perennials out here, but we fill in with annuals where there are bare spots."

Lucky sat down on a gravel walking path next to the area where the flowers would be planted. "I can help plant these," he said, reaching for a gardening tool. "I help my aunt with her gardens. She's constantly planting flowers. Soon the dog won't have a place to take a...um, to go to the bathroom."

The pastor smiled. "I appreciate the help. How about if you dig the holes while I pop the plants out and loosen the roots?"

"Sure," Lucky said. He was happy to have an activity to focus on. Helped calm his nerves. "How do you want these spaced? Staggered or in a straight row?"

"Staggered, about four inches apart to give them room to grow. They should fill in nicely."

Lucky began digging holes several inches deep in the ground and held out his hand to accept the first plant.

"I'll bet you didn't figure on digging around in the dirt when you stopped by," the pastor joked. "I have a reputation for finding instant volunteers."

"It's cool," Lucky said. "I stopped by to talk to you about your sermon the other week. You remember that one you gave on forgiveness? I asked you about it afterwards."

"Yes, I remember. What would you like to know?"

Lucky shook his head, and his expression soured. "Mainly, I'd like to know if it's possible to forgive everybody and if so how to do it."

The pastor selected another plant and freed its roots from the thin, black plastic container. "It sounds like you have someone specific in mind."

"Yeah, I guess so," Lucky admitted. He accepted another plant and firmly placed it into a hole, being careful to fill in dirt all around and tamp it down to hold the plant securely. "It's my mom," he said. "She's in prison now, but she said a lot of bad things to me and other people. She hates me, she wants me dead. I remind her too much of my father. He's in prison, too, but we've made our peace. He cares about me and asks questions all the time like he's interested in my life. But I haven't spoken a word to my mother in two years. She basically stole my little sister, moved her to North Carolina and forbid me to see her. She sent me a note suggesting that I kill myself, so I tried." Lucky turned over his wrist and showed the pastor. "But I failed." He started digging holes with more ferocity as his hurt emotions built up inside. "There's a lot more, especially about the past, but what about now? I don't know how I'm supposed to feel."

The two men continued working as the pastor spoke. "When I have a dilemma about a person, it always helps me to ask the Lord how he views that person. Often we don't see the full picture, but God sees the entire person. It can help put things into perspective. As far as how you should feel, there aren't any shoulds. You feel what you feel. It's not wrong to feel angry with someone who rejects or hurts you."

"Okay, so I'm angry at my mother. What does that mean? How am I supposed to live with it if I'm supposed to love everyone?"

"Often we say we love someone if there are positive feelings and an easy relationship. That's not what's meant by spiritual love. Spiritual love is called agape in the Greek. That's the love you should have in your heart for all people; it's the love that God has for his creation. You're not called to like everyone or approve of their behavior, but you must be civil and respectful to all people regardless. Does that make sense?"

"So I should care about my mother like God cares about her? To try to see her like he does?"

"Yes, that's it."

"But I don't have to like her or have a relationship with her if I don't want to?"

"With family members, it's always wise to keep the door open, even slightly, in case they change," the pastor advised. "But no. Sometimes it's best if people stay apart if they can't stop hurting one another. It's common sense not to put yourself in the line of fire unnecessarily. It is possible that your mother might change one day but don't count on it."

"Believe me, I won't count on it. I've been burned," Lucky replied. "So how do I figure out how God sees my mother?"

"Pray," the pastor stated simply. "Pray for guidance and also pray for her. If she's behaving badly, then she needs your prayers. The Lord instructs us to pray for our enemies. It's not so different in the case of your mother."

"But I still don't understand the concept of forgiveness."

"Forgiveness is breaking the chains that bind you and the other person. Forgiveness is freedom - freedom from pain and anguish. If you don't forgive someone for the wrong that they've done to you, then you are as much a prisoner as they are. Bitterness builds up and hardens your heart, making you less fit to serve God and live as the person you were created to be."

"So you're saying my not forgiving my mother for what she's done to me can hold me back and keep me from living a better life?"

"Yes."

"I want to be free," Lucky said. "Totally free."

"And that is what Jesus has given you - freedom. Freedom from sin and freedom to forgive the sins others commit against you. You're saved by faith. Put your faith in him."

"That's what he told me," Lucky said under his breath. "What if I just can't do it? How do I know if I've forgiven someone?"

"Ask Jesus to help you to forgive that person. Seek it. It may not come immediately but take some effort. The best things in life take effort. God poured his love into your heart when he gave you the Holy Spirit. He's in your heart. He'll enable you to do these things. You can overcome evil by doing good. It's the only way."

"So you’re saying don't be mean to her just because she was mean to me."

"That's right."

"Okay, I understand that. Besides, it might make her mad if I'm nice to her."

The pastor snorted. "It might."

"But that's not the reason to be nice."

"Uh, no," the pastor agreed. "Give God room to judge and trust that he will in his own timing."

"Works for me," Lucky replied. "Wish me luck. I'm thinking of visiting her this summer before I start school. My brother has already been to see her. He didn't tell me much, but I think he said his piece and maybe some for me, too."

"What will you study in school?" the pastor asked as he continued to hand plants to Lucky.

"Computer science. I had a job doing networking before I was in the hospital. I don't know. I'll do my general studies coursework, and then I'll see. My brain doesn't work the way it used to, so I might need to change my plans. I'm trying to be flexible and not stress out over it."

"That's a good philosophy. You never know what life might bring you. Flexibility is a good trait. I see people everyday who are devastated by changes in their lives, but it doesn't have to be that way."

"Yeah, I'm learning that. These last two years have been hell, but I'm looking forward to the future," Lucky said. "It's going to be better."

"A positive attitude is golden."

"Do you memorize those phrases for when you talk to people?" Lucky joked. "You remind me of my psychiatrist."

"That's only one small part of my job," the pastor joked back. "But it's an important part. I counsel a lot of people."

"And you do the gardening, too."

"My job description would fill a three-ring binder," the pastor said. "But it's a rewarding occupation."

"I like going to your church," Lucky said. "I learn a lot from your sermons, and the people are nice. It's a good atmosphere. I like to sing, too."

"Oh yes, my wife the choir director has noticed how well you sing. Your brother, too."

"So I should avoid her?"

"If you want to save yourself, yes."

"Thanks for the warning."

"And thank you for the feedback. I'm glad you like our church."

"Don’t worry, I'll keep coming," Lucky promised. "Tony and I are starting to fill the pew now. My aunt, sister and cousin want to come every week, too. I don't know about my brother. I'm working on him. He's still afraid of the nuns from the Catholic school he attended."

Pastor Walker stood up and clapped his hands together. "We won't slap his knuckles, besides this is the twenty-first century, nuns..."

"...aren't like that anymore," Lucky said, finishing the sentence. "That's what I told him."

The pastor smiled. "Have you ever considered the ministry as a profession? You're a natural."

"I dunno," Lucky replied. "The way my life is now, anything could happen."

* Lyrics from Chase the Rainbow by Kenny Wayne Shepherd

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