Chapter Forty-Five
11:30 PM
Tony was waiting up for Lucky when he returned from the Q's. He was sitting in the vinyl recliner with a half-empty box of sourdough pretzels on the right side of the chair, and two empty Coke cans deposited on the left side. He was wearing an old GH teeshirt that had shrunk and faded over the course of ten years, and his loose sweatpants sported unintentional holes here and there. Tony pressed the mute button on the remote, silencing the 1970's game show re-run. He yawned loudly and ran a hand over his face.
"You survived," Tony said blearily, commenting on the obvious.
"Barely," replied Lucky tensely. "They raked me over the coals, but Emily thinks Edward likes me. He's forcing me to play golf with him at the country club."
Tony looked at Lucky soundlessly, and then burst into howling laughter. He'd stop for a second, then start up again at the thought of Edward crabbing at Lucky's golf technique. "I'm sorry, kid," he said, wiping the tears from his eyes. "That's such a funny picture." Tony paused and looked at the Christmas bag in Lucky's hand. "What do you have there?" he asked curiously.
Lucky looked down at the bag and broke into a delighted smile. "Emily gave me this for Christmas." Lucky walked over to Tony and handed him the bag. Tony reached in and pulled out the Palmpilot. "That's a nice gift," he said, turning the package over and reading the back. "Are you going to save this for Christmas day or will you have it completely programmed by then?" he asked.
Lucky shrugged. "Programmed probably," he laughed. "Emily liked her necklace, Tony. Thanks for helping me pick it out. You have a way with women, you know. Maybe I should take notes," Lucky added slyly.
Tony shook his head at Lucky's insinuation and chuckled. "Happy to help, my man. I'm tired, so I'll see you in the morning. You did take your medications before going to the Quartermaines?" he asked. Lucky shook his head guiltily. "Go take your meds," ordered Tony as he struggled out of the recliner and walked down the hall. "Good night," he said with his back to Lucky, waving his right hand in the air.
~*~*~*~
Lucky sat alone in the dark living room
in his tee shirt and underwear. All the lights in the house were turned off, and Tony had
gone to bed at least half an hour ago. Lucky had been running on pure adrenaline all
night, and he started feeling like he was coming off of a drug high, numb and sinking. He
couldn't figure out why he was feeling so sad and alone. He'd been socializing with the
Quartermaines all night, and they seemed to like him. Emily was excited about her
necklace, and she gave him the nice Palmpilot. Why wasn't he happy? The more he thought
about the nice things, the more unreal and hollow he felt, like he was just a front, a
walking puppet façade that talked and smiled, but no one knew the real Lucky, the one
behind the mask. His heart cried out with fear and longing, and he just wanted to stab it
to death, to make it shut up and go away.
3:10 AM
Lucky rose from his bed, unable to sleep after valiantly trying for three hours. His nerves buzzed and hummed, and tension coiled through his muscles. He tried to blank his mind, but it raced and flitted away from him, intent on its own desires.
He turned the light on in the bathroom and sat on the cold toilet lid, tired, forlorn and antsy. He sat there for several minutes with his head in his hands and his fingers entwined in his long, hanging hair. He got up and stood in front of the mirror, staring for long minutes at his face until the edges grew fuzzy, and he was looking at colors and geometric shapes blurring together instead of a human face. He perceived a pasty white mask with dark, endless holes for eyes. Lucky blinked, and the image cleared a bit. He reached out his right hand and touched his reflected face with trembling fingers, the healing cuts and bruises capturing his attention and mesmerizing him. He squeezed his cheek hard, but nothing felt real. His flesh was like anesthetized putty, clay to be worked and molded. It still didn't feel like him. He returned his attention to the blue eyes. They looked so sad and terrified, and they tried to cry out to him and reveal their innermost secrets and torments.
A disembodied voice whispered in his head, "What's a pretty boy like you doing here all alone?" Lucky turned away abruptly and urgently felt the need to scream long and hard. He slid to the floor and sat there with his head hanging down and his hair spilling lifelessly on the vinyl surface.
"I hate you," Lucky mumbled out loud as he sat with his back to the wall. "I hate you!" he growled harshly while pummeling his thighs with rigid fists. He heard the soft thuds of his blows, but didn't register what they were or where they were coming from. He finally stopped pounding and watched the pale skin of his thighs light up with a puffy red glow, the spreading pattern of his self-abuse. The skin on his thighs felt hot to the touch, and his muscles ached. Feeling himself slip further away, Lucky rolled over onto his right side, resting his face against the cold floor while his fingers played with its vinyl imprint. He stared at the white porcelain toilet bowl until it became indistinct and seemed to blend with the rest of the room. His underwear felt tight, and he reached his hand down to shift and feel his hardness. "I've been told I give real good head," a voice intoned in his head. Lucky looked down and saw a hand grasping his firm penis. Fear shot through him like a rocket and he trembled with the violent emotion.
"I'm going crazy," Lucky muttered to himself as his tears fell hot and fast. He drew his knees up to his chest in a protective manner with his hand covering his crotch. "I'm crazy. I'm crazy," he chanted over and over again in a desperate mantra.
~*~*~*~
7:00 AM
Tony Jones plodded sleepily down the hallway to the bathroom. He stretched and yawned, mentally planning out the events of the new day. So much to do and so little time, he thought. Tony pushed the bathroom door, unconsciously expecting it to freely swing open. The door opened about a foot, and then stopped hard on something blocking it. Tony pushed again with a bit more pressure, but the door wouldn't budge. The light was on in the bathroom, and Tony poked his head through the door to see what the obstacle was. He was shocked to see Lucky lying on the floor on his back in only his underwear and teeshirt, eyes closed and arms splayed out from his body. His first thought was that Lucky had had a relapse of his ulcer and collapsed in the bathroom.
Tony pushed hard on the door, moving Lucky's legs aside, so that he could enter the bathroom. Tony was relieved not to see any blood covering Lucky or the floor. He tapped Lucky on the arm. "Lucky!" he said loudly. Lucky's eyes opened to the sight of a large man standing over him, and he screamed, "Get away from me. LEAVE ME ALONE!" as he tried to sit up and scrambled backwards with his hands and feet, stopping with his back up to the tub, and huddling with his arms wrapped protectively around his legs.
"Lucky, what are you doing in here?" asked Tony seriously. "Why aren't you in your bed?"
Lucky looked around in confusion, not sure why he was in the bathroom. He rose slowly and carefully from the floor and frowned. "Stop questioning me all the time!" he yelled as he stood there with his disheveled hair framing a scared and angry face, and his arm gripping a rib that was sore from sleeping on the hard floor. Tony was alert to his nephew's odd behavior and stated calmly and clearly, "Lucky, we're going to Bobbie's today, remember? I told you yesterday. You need to pack your suitcase so we can leave this morning. Do you want me to help you?"
"Let me out!" Lucky ordered in a tear-filled voice, his finger pointing toward the doorway. Tony moved aside without saying anything, and Lucky strode heavily past him. Tony watched Lucky's back with serious concern as his nephew walked to his bedroom and slammed the door shut.
~*~*~*~
10:13 AM
"This is Santa Claus calling. Where's my favorite elf? I've looked everywhere, but I can't find her," Tony said into the phone.
"Your favorite elf is wrapping her gifts for Santa," Bobbie replied in a lilting tone.
"Can Santa unwrap your gifts later?" Tony teased.
"Only you, Mr. Claus," Bobbie promised. "Hey buster, what's up?" she asked. "I thought you and Lucky were coming over here today."
"We are," Tony sighed. "Lucky's having some problems getting ready. He won't get dressed or pack, and keeps going back to bed. I'm really worried about him, Bobbie. He seems fairly content one moment and lost and out of sorts the next. His next appointment with Kevin is December 26th and not a day too soon in my opinion. We need to keep a close eye on him."
"We will," Bobbie reassured. "He might perk up a bit with some new faces around him and a change of scenery. Let's hope so."
"I don't know," Tony said. "Something is going on with him, and he's tighter than a clam. I can't get a word out of him. Hey, I was thinking it might be best if you put Lucky and me together in the guestroom. I'm not comfortable placing him with Lucas or by himself. He's not sleeping well and roams around at night. I'd like to be close by."
"That's a good idea," admitted Bobbie. "Although I was hoping to find a special teddy bear in my bed," she laughed.
"Don't worry," Tony replied wickedly. "Teddy has an in-built radar system. He might show up when you least expect him. Oh yeah, the other reason I called is to pass on some Laura news."
"What now?" Bobbie asked eagerly.
"We have our police report," Tony said, laughing. "I'm sorry, but this kind of cracks me up."
"You're not the only one," Bobbie said giggling.
"Our little Laura spent last night in the pokey for prostitution and…are you ready? Possession of controlled substances. Seems Laura's been forging prescriptions, too. She's going down, Bobbie."
"Wow," said Bobbie breathlessly. "So she might do some time?"
"If they can make the drug charges stick, it's a good chance. And, our custody suit has been filed with a hearing scheduled in two weeks. We have you down for sole custody of Lulu with liberal visitation for Lucky and Nikolas."
"Bring it on," said Bobbie intently.
~*~*~*~
11:14 AM
Lucky sat on the edge of his bed in a stupor, unbathed and rumpled with uncombed hair. He'd opened his dresser drawers and randomly pulled out shirts and pants, scattering them on the bed and floor. He couldn't concentrate on gathering his things together to pack into a suitcase. The little blue suitcase sat unfilled on the bed, its top open and interior empty and waiting.
Tony entered the room, moved over to the bed and sat down by Lucky, who jumped and flinched, then settled back into his stupor. "I need a hug," said Tony plainly and honestly. Lucky silently turned and hugged his uncle, draping his arms loosely around Tony's shoulders. After a minute or so, Tony patted Lucky's arm and said, "Thanks. I needed that. Now, let's see what we can fill this suitcase with." Lucky watched with a detached expression in his eyes as Tony coordinated several outfits and searched for other essentials. He set aside a shirt and pair of pants for Lucky, and suggested, "Why don't you change into this outfit? I'm going to put some more coffee on, cream no sugar, right?" Lucky nodded slightly.
~*~*~*~
Lucky opened the drawer to his nightstand, lifted some papers and wrapped his fingers around a small, sharp paring knife. He placed the knife into his toiletry kit and zipped it shut.
~*~*~*~
Lucky sat at the kitchen table in his jeans and sweatshirt, slumped over a cup of coffee, sipping occasionally at the warm brew and making a face as he swallowed his medications. The pills left a bitter taste in his mouth.
"Have you eaten anything?" asked Tony. Lucky pointed wordlessly at his coffee cup. Tony put his hand on his hip. "You need to take those medications with food. Here, have a donut." Lucky accepted a powdered confection from the offered box and took a small bite. When Tony left the room, he rose from the table and threw it away in the trashcan.
Tony came back into the kitchen carrying the day's mail. "Look, more Christmas cards," he said, showing Lucky five or six red and green envelopes with reindeer and religious stamps on them. "Here's one for you," he said. "Why don't you open it and see who it's from." Lucky looked up at him with dead eyes and said, "Later." He placed the small envelope with the North Carolina postmark on the table beside his coffee.
~*~*~*~
"I'm finished loading up the car," Tony called at the front door. "Let's go, Lucky."
Lucky got up from the kitchen table and slipped on his jean jacket with the plaid flannel zip-in lining. He headed for the door, but stopped, went back to the kitchen and snatched the small envelope from the kitchen table, stuffing it in his jacket pocket.