Chapter Eighty-Two
"Here we are!" said Cindy with a smile as she rocked back and forth from her heels to her toes. "Home." Lucky and Cindy continued to hold hands and stood in front of an older two story house with light gray aluminum siding dating from the 1960's, a narrow entry front porch and a large maple tree planted in the middle of the small front yard. The houses on this street were close together, separated only by the width of an asphalt driveway. The neighborhood was changing, about half owners, half rentals. It was easy to tell who lived where. Houses with small children were littered outside with discarded toys - rusted bicycles and old plastic toy cars. Elderly owners living in the area for over fifty years sported very neat lawns with ornaments like concrete geese dressed to suit the season. The occasional college student rental featured as many as six older cars parked all around the property. Beer drinking wanderers of the universe clutched cans on the porches, and strains of rock music floated from between the cracks in the windows.
Cindy's home was an obvious rental with its lack of plantings and individualized decoration, cracked driveway and sidewalks and pieces of missing aluminum siding, which caused the house to look as if it were in need of dental work to fill in the gaps. The house next door had a For Sale or Rent sign placed in its front yard.
Cindy released Lucky's hand. "Ready to enter the palace?" she teased. Lucky smiled and nodded, and the two walked up the front path and climbed three steps to the porch. Cindy rang the doorbell and tapped an impatient hand on the glass and wood framed storm door. She turned to Lucky. "Too lazy to find my keys," she explained. Lucky heard footsteps and the turn of a doorknob.
"Hey, Cindy, my lazy roommate," said the girl as she stepped aside to let the two enter. "Thought you were working tonight. What's up?" The tall brunette girl, who was clad in blue jeans and a low cut sequined tank top, appeared to be in her mid twenties. She quickly sized up Lucky. "Who's the guy?" she asked plainly.
Cindy waved her hand in dismissal of the other girl. "Oh, Tamara," she snorted. "Don't be so polite. This is Lucky. He's a friend." Tamara cast another scathing look in Lucky's direction. "Another stray?" she asked snottily. Cindy took Lucky's hand and walked away from her roommate. "Lucky's bunking with me tonight," she said as they headed for the stairs. "Tamara is the oldest one," she explained to Lucky. "She can be pretty bossy, but it's okay. She looks out for the rest of us."
The blue swirl textured carpet on the stairs and hallway floors looked worn and dated. The walls were covered in a flat white paint with a greenish tint that clashed with the carpet. "My room," said Cindy, turning the glass doorknob on the white painted door at the end of the hallway. Cindy's bedroom nestled under the eaves of the house and was very small. It was obvious that she'd tried to perk it up with posters of pastel French impressionist paintings and several pieces of secondhand white painted furniture. The top of the chest of drawers had an embroidered linen doily with a small collection of perfume bottles and several ceramic dogs. The best feature of the room was the Tiffany reproduction lamp that rested on the night table next to the nondescript twin bed. A white rug with a circle of fringe was placed to the side of the bed. The white chenille bedspread was littered with brightly colored pillows - some of them looked homemade from silk scarves.
"Go ahead and sit down," said Cindy, pointing to the bed. "I have to visit the ladies room. Back in a minute."
Lucky sat down on the twin bed and bounced up and down for a minute as he looked around the room. He smiled when he saw the ceramic dogs and rose from the bed to pick one up and look at it. He strolled over to the window and peered out of the venetian blinds at the streetlight two houses down. Two people were standing under the light and quickly made an exchange - drugs and money, was Lucky's guess. He turned away from the window as Cindy returned to the room. "It's the first door on the left," she said.
Lucky stuffed a hand in his pocket and smiled slightly. "Thanks," he said softly as he left the room.
Once in the restroom, Lucky used the toilet and stood at the sink washing his hands. He washed his face, too, preparing for bed. There was a tube of toothpaste beside the sink, and he squeezed out a line of toothpaste onto his index finger, using it as a toothbrush. He gazed into the mirror and decided that he didn't look too bad considering his long day. He smoothed out his hair and smiled.
Lucky sat down on the toilet seat lid and pensively fidgeted with his hands. I'm going to be nineteen soon, he thought. I'm tired of being a wimp and a victim. I'm a man now - a real man. His thoughts turned toward the very cute teenaged girl waiting for him in her bedroom. Does she want to have sex with me? he wondered. Why else would she invite me back to her room? She didn't even work tonight after we started talking. She said she had a crush on me. But I wonder if she's afraid of me after what happened last time. No way that will happen again. No way. Lucky's thoughts drifted to her long blond curls, her pretty green eyes that tilted up at the corners and her long legs and narrow waist. He imagined his hands on her body, exploring, rubbing up and down the length of arms, chest and legs. When he started having a physical reaction, he stood up quickly. Let's go.
Cindy had already changed into a large, hot pink teeshirt that reached down to her knees when Lucky returned to her room. She'd lit two candles, one placed on the chest of drawers and one by the bedside. She was leaning back against the pillows and glowed richly under the warm candlelight that reflected the pink from her shirt onto her soft skin.
Lucky smiled and said, "You look pretty," in a low, husky tone of voice. He quickly removed his shoes and placed them by the door. "Do you want me to sleep on the floor?" he asked respectfully, his mind drifting back to the days when he had spent many nights on Elizabeth's floor.
"No, you can come here," replied Cindy with her right hand stroking and patting the bed.
Lucky pulled off his sweatshirt and then realized that he was exposing the fierce red wounds on his arm. He turned the arm away from her as he slowly unzipped his jeans and let them drop to the floor. He knew he wasn't hiding anything when he walked over to the bed and moved in closely to sit next to Cindy. "I have scars," he said sadly. "I don't want to scare you. Maybe we should extinguish the candles?"
"Let me see," replied Cindy. "I won't be scared."
Lucky's eyes looked haunted as he reluctantly turned over his arm to reveal the red and white crisscrossed scar tissue that marred the surface of his otherwise smooth skin. His eyes filled with tears as he fearfully sought a reaction, possibly rejection, on her face.
Cindy's face relaxed, and she reached out to run her fingers lightly over his wounds. "Pain can be beautiful on the right person," she murmured. "There's nothing ugly about you." She reached out her hand and stroked the side of Lucky's cheek as his eyes closed and absorbed the warmth and feel of her touch.
Lucky opened his eyes and looked straight at Cindy. "Do you want this?" he asked tentatively.
Cindy nodded and bit her bottom lip with her front tooth. "Yes," she answered. "I want this."
"Are you sure?" he asked again.
"I'm sure, are you?" she asked Lucky, stroking his bare thigh up and down and searching his eyes. "You didn't want me to touch you before."
Lucky flushed and looked away to the white rug on the floor. He mentally counted the number of fringes edging its perimeter as he took in a deep breath and thought of what to say.
"I want to be in charge," he said honestly, with a brief expulsion of breath. "I don't want anyone to take anything from me. It's like I need to give permission. You didn't ask before you touched me, and…I dunno…it scared me, made me mad or something, you know."
Cindy's eyes shone with her unshed tears. "Yeah, I know," she whispered. "It's hard not…being in control." She took in a deep breath and laid back onto the pillows, holding her arms out to Lucky. "Make love to me," she said plainly with dancing and sparkling eyes.
Lucky moved over her body and captured her mouth in a long, deep kiss. He started moving his mouth up and down her neck as he stroked her hair, and then he stopped. "Do you have protection?" he asked.
Cindy tittered and reached underneath a pillow, producing a condom wrapped in a blue package. "Always," she said, placing the package on the nightstand until they were ready for it.
Lucky smiled and cupped her face with his hand as his lips rubbed repeatedly and insistently over her mouth. He moved his hand over her teeshirt, stroking and kneading her compliant flesh, hesitating for a second before moving it under her shirt and exploring further. "Oh, man, you feel good to me," he whispered. "I love your body." Lucky reached for the hem of Cindy's teeshirt and rolled it up over her body and over her head in a smooth motion. Pushing the garment to the side of the bed, he moved his body over hers, moaning as his chest and stomach felt the sensation of her soft smooth flesh melding into the firmness of his body. He began moving against her rhythmically as both of their pulses raced. Cindy sighed with pleasure as he flicked his tongue up her throat to her ear. After they spent long minutes exploring and pleasuring one another, Cindy reached for the condom with one hand as she peeled down the elastic of Lucky's briefs.
~*~*~*~
Lucky woke up as the dawn streamed bright rays of sun through the venetian blinds and over the bed. He and Cindy were both wearing their teeshirts and lying on their sides. Lucky lightly stroked Cindy's blond curls and moved closer to her, placing his hand lightly over her side and around her stomach. He nestled in and fell asleep again.
~*~*~*~
Lucky lay back on the bed and watched as Cindy bustled around her room, rifling through the clothes in her closet and dressing for the new day. "I need to get to the mall and find some customers," she said as she pulled on very high-heeled shoes that further accentuated her long legs. She walked over to Lucky and bent over, giving him a big kiss, lasting for long minutes. Cindy broke the kiss and sighed. She reached into the top drawer of her nightstand and produced a baggie full of white powder. She arranged a line of the powder on a small mirror that she pulled from the same drawer, and quickly snorted it with a crisp, rolled bill. She wiped her nose with the back of her hand and placed the items back in the drawer. "I won't offer you any coke," she said, "since you said it makes you crazy." She opened up another drawer on the nightstand and rummaged around for a minute. "Here's some good stuff," she offered, throwing Lucky a smaller baggie with a small amount of white powder in it. "You like H, right? That's good stuff, but I don't use, so you can have it." Cindy reached for her handbag and walked over to the door, pausing with a hand on the doorknob. "Stay as long as you want," she said. "I'll tell Tamara to mind her own business and leave you alone. When are you getting off work tonight?"
"Probably ten or eleven," Lucky replied, fingering the small baggie as his gaze met Cindy's green eyes.
"I'll hook up with you at the restaurant tonight. Is that okay? I'm gonna miss my handsome boy today." She walked back over to the bed and stroked Lucky's cheek, then gave him a quick peck on the lips. "You staying with me again tonight?" she asked softly.
Lucky nodded wordlessly. When Cindy left the room, Lucky laid back onto the bed's copious pillows and held the baggie up to the light. He recalled the glorious, warm, safe, nothingness that the drug offered. I'm an only an alcoholic, he thought. This shit won't hurt me. It didn't before. He sat back up on the bed and took his first snort of heroin in over eight months.
~*~*~*~
Next Day, 1:25PM
"He hasn't returned to the clinic in the last two nights, Kevin. I have no idea where he is other than in the Cortland Street area somewhere. This makes two days that he's been without his medications."
"Not good news, Tony," said Kevin with a sigh. "I seriously doubt that he will maintain well without his antidepressant and anti-anxiety medications."
"I'm going to call Marcus Taggert and ask him to find Lucky," said Tony. "He knows the area well and has been very helpful in the past. I can't imagine where Lucky is. I was certain he'd come back to the free-clinic. It scares me to death thinking he's sleeping in some alley with no shelter."
~*~*~*~
8:30PM
"Tony, there's something we need to talk about," said Bobbie as she took a sip from her cup of coffee. She reached out her hand and placed on top of Tony's. Tony and Bobbie were seated in a booth at the famous rib place off of Route 38. Nikolas had offered to baby-sit Lucas and Lulu so the two could have a moment to themselves. Tony looked up at Bobbie but didn't say anything.
"Honey, I know you're worried about Lucky. We all are. But I think you need to learn how to hold on loosely."
Tony tittered. "What's that mean?" he asked.
Bobbie moved several bottles of rib sauce out of the way and lay her other hand on top of the wooden table. "It means that although you may love someone deeply, if they are having chronic problems, and you can't help them, then you need to back away for your own sake. It was Lucky's decision to leave the hospital, to deny help. There's nothing you can do to change that. If he comes back, then be there for him. If he doesn't, don't blame yourself."
"I'm still going to try to find him," stated Tony firmly as he removed his hand from Bobbie's and crossed his arms. "Taggert is looking for him now. I'm not giving up."
"I'm not asking you to give up," stated Bobbie. "What I am asking is that you take care of your own self and that you consider that we have two young children who also need our support and guidance. Lucky is an adult."
"And what kind of support and guidance did he receive as a child?" Tony interrupted. "Abuse and more abuse. He needs our help."
Bobbie sighed and sat back in her seat. "Just think about what I said, Tony. You won't be any good to Lucky if we do find him unless you look after yourself. You need to relax more."
"You're a very special, loving woman, Barbara Jean Spencer," Tony said with a smile. "Yes, I'll consider what you said and try my best to 'hold on loosely.'"
~*~*~*~
1:30AM
His body began quivering and sweating, and his breaths became tense and rapid. "No, no," he whimpered in a barely audible voice. The movements of his eyes in REM sleep indicated the intensity of his dream.
He was trying to unlock the front door, but his key wouldn't properly enter the lock. He shoved and pushed at it repeatedly. Finally, he gave up with a sigh and rang the doorbell. Mom usually doesn't have the door locked during the day, he wondered to himself. An elderly woman with fluffy white hair, half spectacles, and a wide, white apron answered the door. "Can I help you?" she asked. Lucky looked puzzled and worried. He craned his neck trying to look around the woman and past the door into the living room. "Where's my mom?" he asked. "Who are you?"
"Young man, I've never met you before," replied the old woman with a slight scowl. "How would I know your mother?"
Lucky looked around the porch in confusion, his eyes resting on the address marker, 24 Royal Street. "But this is my house," he protested, his voice cracking with fear.
"I'm sorry, honey," said the old lady. "You're mistaken. We've lived here for 50 years. Go home now and run along." She made a shooing motion with her hand and closed the door in his face.
Lucky walked dejectedly from house to house and had the door repeatedly slammed in his face. "Go home," they all ordered him, but where was home? "Mom!" he cried out as he walked down the middle of the lonely deserted street. "Mommy? Where are you? Why did you leave me here all alone? Where did you go? Mommy?"
Lucky cried out in his sleep and breathlessly muttered "Mommy" over and over.
Cindy woke to Lucky's vocalizations and movements and bent over him, trying to wake him up. "Lucky, " she whispered, poking him in the upper arm. "Wake up, baby. You're having a dream." Lucky continued shaking and moving on the bed but didn't wake up.
Cindy shook him harder, and he jerked awake, sitting up in the bed and looking bewildered. He put his hand to his forehead and asked, "Where am I? What's happening?"
Cindy draped her arms around Lucky and hugged him. "You're with me in my bedroom. It's all right. You just had a nightmare."
Lucky looked sad and upset, and he returned Cindy's hug, laying his head on her shoulder. "Thanks for waking me up," he said. He sighed raggedly and rose from the bed. "I can't sleep, I don't want to go back to sleep." He pulled on his jeans. "I'm going out to the 24 hour convenience store to buy some cigarettes. Maybe the walk will clear my head. Do you want anything?"
Cindy shook her head no. Lucky leaned in for a kiss. "Bye," he said. "I'll be back soon. I'll try not to wake you."
Cindy watched Lucky leave the room and lay back down on the bed with a worried face.
~*~*~*~
Lucky walked briskly through the streets of Port Charles' decaying neighborhoods. He hunched his shoulders against the evening's cold, glad for the warmth of his jean jacket. The dreams bothered him a lot, made it feel like there was a hole in his heart, an empty place that nothing or no one could possibly fix or fill. He kicked stones out of his way, delighting in the way that they hopped against the hard pavement. He picked up a large tree branch that had fallen, and he dragged it along the sidewalk as he walked, beating it on the ground occasionally.
He sniffed and ran the back of his hand under his nose. He'd thought about Elizabeth a lot these last two days - more than he had in months. They'd had such plans. Lucky had been certain that he'd lose his virginity with her, and it made him sad to realize that that would never be the case now. He wondered where she was and what she was doing. Maybe she thought about him occasionally and missed him. A brief feeling of guilt appeared in his gut and snaked its way to his heart when he thought about Emily. What had he done? Emily was his girlfriend, wasn't she? He was supposed to be faithful to her, but he hadn't been. What kind of a person was he? Lucky shoved those feelings as far away from his mind as he could manage. He shrugged as he walked. Nothing I can do about it now, he thought morosely. His thoughts returned to Cindy. He felt so comfortable with her, scars and all. She didn't seem to mind. It's like she accepted his pain - it was natural, all a part of the universe, nothing special. Lucky remembered how comfortable and excited he'd been when he shed his clothes. It was good, a very good thing.
Lucky rounded the corner and headed toward the all night drug store. He blinked rapidly when he entered the store, trying to adjust to the brighter levels of light. He walked purposefully toward the counter and tapped his fingers repeatedly while he waited for a sales person to appear. Finally a short, fat woman emerged from one of the aisles. Lucky pointed toward a nearby carton of cigarettes and asked for three packs. He drew his wallet and fumbled for the correct change. He handed over the bills to the woman, who looked closely at him to determine if she felt that he was eighteen. Lucky's psychological trauma and facial injuries had given him an older look over the last few months, and she didn't ask for ID. While they were conducting their transaction, a large, uniformed police officer with a crewcut entered the store on his regular evening rounds along Cortland Street. He looked curiously at Lucky and walked up to the cash register.
"How's it going Joan?" he asked conversationally. He knew all of the regular evening workers in the area and believed in being friendly in the course of his duties. The cop made Lucky uneasy, and he shifted his feet and darted his eyes away from the man with a large build.
"It's kind of late to be out shopping, isn't it, son?" the officer commented breezily as he looked intently at the young man in front of him. Lucky didn't meet his eyes, but smiled shakily and raised his bag of cigarettes. "Cigarettes," he replied shortly as an answer to the question.
"You have any ID?" asked the officer.
Lucky fought back his panic, and his hand trembled when he reached for his wallet in his back pocket. His fingers fumbled as they tried to pry the driver's license from the special window in the wallet, and he dropped it onto the floor. Lucky bent down and picked up the card, handing it to the officer in front of him and glancing at his face very briefly before looking away. It seemed to Lucky like the police man was spending over an hour looking at his ID. Drops of sweat trickled down the back of his neck, and he started breathing faster.
The officer handed Lucky's ID back to him. "This store isn't close to 24 Royal Street," he commented. "No," Lucky agreed with a quiet voice. "Um, uh, I'm visiting…friends," he explained. Desperation took root in Lucky, and he wondered if he could run away, but the man looked like he could capture him easily.
"Be careful out there, son," replied the police officer. "The streets are dangerous around here."
"Yes," said Lucky breathlessly.
"Thank you." He tried to smile, but it looked more like a grimace. He turned and
walked out of the store as nonchalantly as he could manage.
Next...
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