Devolution TOC

Chapter Ninety-Six

Lucky opened his eyes and then immediately closed them again. Thank you, God, for my brother Nikolas, for not having any seizures for the last three weeks, and for letting me go to my Dad's sentencing in two days. Lucky sat up in bed and lowered his head to his raised knees. Oh God, help me get through this hypnosis today. I'm scared to do it, scared of what I'll find out. Please be with me while I'm having it and be with me while I remember stuff. Help me to get better quick so I can get out of this hospital. I need to get back to my regular life and be a normal person. I don't want to lose it again, to get so mad that I hurt other people or myself. Help me to control my temper. Amen.

~*~*~*~

Lucky tried to listen closely to Kevin. He was sitting on his hands with legs crossed firmly at the ankles, desperate to remain calm and not jiggle and twitch his restless limbs. He was already on anti-anxiety medication, but Lucky was under the opinion that general anesthesia would be more appropriate at this point.

Kevin carefully walked Lucky through each step of the process in order to help him feel some control over the situation. "John has volunteered to help out and is stationed outside the door. If you lose control, and I don't think you will, he's ready to keep you safe. I have a standing order for a stronger sedative if necessary, but again, you may not need it. You're much stronger and have superior coping skills compared to the last time you were hypnotized." Kevin searched Lucky's face for any remaining anxiety or apprehension. "Are you comfortable and ready to proceed?"

Lucky nodded morosely. "Yeah, I guess so. Let's get it over with."

~*~*~*~

Lucky rested on Kevin's couch, his eyes closed and his breathing regular and shallow. Even Kevin was surprised at how quickly and deeply Lucky went into the hypnotic trance. It was as if Lucky went plunging into the hypnosis, willing it to be over and done with as quickly as possible.

Kevin turned on the tape recorder and turned his notes to the first page, his hand ready to record any special comments with his Mont Blanc pen.

"Lucky, I'd like you to return to that day in April when you returned home after being released by your kidnappers. Describe for me what's happening and how you feel about it."

Lucky frowned. "Where am I? They threw me out of the van, and I'm now standing in the middle of the street. I'm looking around. I'm afraid because there's too much space and the wind is blowing. I'd forgotten what the wind feels like. I'm shivering. It feels cold. There's a house in front of me. It looks familiar, and I decide to walk up on the porch and ring the doorbell. I'm not sure what I should do, I just feel like being here. There's a man at the door, and he looks like my dad? I'm not sure if that's possible. They lied to me too many times. I figured he was dead, but now he's standing in front of me with tears in his eyes. He's hugging me real tight, so tight I almost have trouble breathing. Son! You're alive! he says. I'm upset because Faison told me I'm not his son anymore, my dad hates me.

Now I'm scared. I don't know what is happening. What will he do to me? My dad takes my arm and walks me into the house. It must be my home. It looks and smells like it. Where's Foster? I ask. My dad says that Foster ran out into the road a few months ago and was killed. I don't feel anything about that. He sits me down on the couch and stares at me. I feel uncomfortable and upset. What happened to you, son? my father asks. The fire. We thought you were dead. I smile and tell him that I am dead. He gives me a funny look. He tries to touch my arm, but I move as far away as I can to the end of the couch and hide my face in my arm. I'm tired. My dad picks up the phone and calls my mother at the hospital. He tells her to come home. She needs to be there. Something has happened. My dad hands me a glass of water. I'm afraid to drink it, but he takes a sip to show me it's okay, and then I drink it down real fast. He fills it up again, and I drink some more. He helps me to lie down on the couch and covers me up with an afghan. I feel sleepy."

"Okay, Lucky," said Kevin. "Tell me what you hear and see after you wake up."

"I hear my mother's voice. She's talking to my dad. It wakes me up. She's crying, and my dad is hugging her. How can this happen? Where was he all this time? Who could do such a thing to a child? she asks. Her voice is shaking and so is my dad's. My dad tells her that I seem shocked. He says we need to take him to the hospital. Look how thin he is, and he's covered with cuts and bruises. My mom says no. We'll fatten him up at home. He'll be all right after he's been here a few days. Let's give him a chance to settle before we make any decisions. My parents start arguing, and I'm crying. I can't stop. I feel so upset. My mother sits beside me, but I don't want her to be there. I want to be back in my cell by myself where's there's no noise or people. I stand up and walk over to the hall closet by the front door. I open the closet door and step inside, closing the door behind me. I feel so much better. It's dark and quiet, and I sit down and hold onto a boot. The coats hang down over me, touching my head, and I feel safer.

"How long were you in the closet?" asked Kevin.

"I don't know," Lucky replied. "They must have let me stay in there because I fell asleep. I wake up when a little bit of light and some air come in. I open my eyes and see my father's face. Cowboy, he says real quiet. Are you ready to come out? If you're tired, we fixed your bed so you can sleep in it. I get up. My legs hurt from being bent so long so I stumble as I walk out of the closet. My dad takes my arm and walks with me to the stairs. I don't say anything, and he doesn't either. We walk slowly up the stairs, but I'm exhausted and have to stop for a minute to catch my breath. He sits me down on a bed. It looks like my room, but not really. It's kind of bare. It makes me afraid. I start to cry and my dad says don't worry I'll sit in here with you. You can sleep. I won't let anybody hurt you."

"Lucky, go to that evening. What is happening?" prompted Kevin.

"I'm at the dinner table. Lulu is there. She keeps staring at me and asking if I'm her brother. I feel pressured and don't say anything. My dad keeps saying, Yes, it's Lucky. He's tired so don't ask him all those questions. The questions will wait until tomorrow. There's a plate full of food in front of me, but I don't want to eat. There's a big glass of milk in front of me, and I stare and stare at it. It's drugged, I won't drink it, I say. My mom gets a funny look on her face. My dad takes it away and gives me some water. I drink it. Eat a few bites, says my dad. You look hungry. My stomach hurts, and I put my hand over it. No, I say. My mom gets mad. Her face turns red. You always liked macaroni and cheese before, she says. What's wrong with it now? I look at Lulu. Her mouth is open as she chews on the macaroni and my dad takes a bunch of bites, so I put the fork in my mouth and chew."

"Lucky I want you to move several days forward. What are you doing?" asked Kevin.

"I'm in the back yard. My dad is chasing me around - I keep trying to get away."

"Why is your father chasing you?" probed Kevin.

"He says I need to take a shower. I smell like a mongoose."

Kevin barely caught himself in time to stop a laugh from escaping. "What else does he say?"

"It's been three days since I've been home. He says it's time to stop avoiding the inevitable." Lucky's face became shadowed with fear as he remembered that morning. "No. NO. I won't go. You can't make me. My dad, he grabs my arm and pulls me into the house. I reach out and try to stay outside by grabbing a post on the porch, but he's stronger." Lucky's voice begins to quiver and rise in pitch. "I can't, dad. Pleeeease. Don't make me."

Lucky's chest heaved with his strong emotions. "He takes my chin and makes me look at him. Tell me why you can't take a shower, son. Maybe I can help you. Do you want me to stay with you in the room? I don't know, I say. He starts the water in the shower. No. No. I'm going to die. He asks me if I'd rather take a bath. I nod, so he stops the shower. I sit on the floor and lean against the wall as the water fills the tub. Dad sets some clothes beside me. You can wear a pair of my jeans and a sweatshirt, he says. I'm going to have to burn those clothes you're wearing. I try to laugh, but I cry instead. Take your shirt and pants off, Lucky, and get into the tub. I don't want to, but I do what he says. I get into the tub with my underwear on, and he laughs. Okay, he says. That's one way to do the laundry. I just sit there, and he takes a washcloth and runs some soap over it. He hands it to me, and I stare at it for a long time, but I don't move. He takes the washcloth from me and starts to wash my back. How did you get these bruises, he asks. I don't say anything. I feel upset and sick. Things start to get blurry, and I can't hear him anymore."

"Lucky, move forward several hours. What is happening?" asked Kevin.

"I'm in bed. I'm confused. I don't know how I got there. I'm wearing dad's clothes. They're too big. My hair is still wet. I feel clean. Dad is in a chair beside the bed. He's snoring so loudly. Why didn't I hear him?"

"Lucky, does your mother stay with you during this time or only your dad?" prompted Kevin. "Where is your mom?"

"Mom is at work. Dad says Claude can destroy the club for a week or so without his help. Mom works at the hospital. Lulu is in preschool. She's not there."

"I want you to move forward until the next time you are alone with your mother. Where are you?" asked Kevin.

"I'm at home. Mom is in the kitchen, and Dad took Lulu somewhere."

"What is happening?" prompted Kevin.

"She's on the phone. She took it into the kitchen with her. The portable one. I want something to eat, so I head toward the kitchen, but I stop before I enter because I hear my name. My mom is talking to Stefan Cassadine. She says that she can't go, she has to stay home and baby-sit me because Luke is busy with Lulu today. They're spending the night at Bobbie's. Lucky's getting to be a real drag, she says. He can't be left alone for any time because no one knows what he'll do. Well, yes you're right - maybe he would be better off at Ferncliff. I'm all for pulling up to the door and dropping him off for a few months to see if they can screw his head back on right. I know, Lulu and Nikolas are great together. I don't want Lucky to mess up our arrangements. I can't wait to tell Luke that I'm leaving him, but we'll have to be patient and play our cards right. I want to take Lulu with me. Maybe Luke can take Lucky off our hands. Yes, I miss you, too, she says. I love you, Stefan. I walk back into the living room, but I don't stop, I keep walking. I open the front door and step outside. I walk down the street. On and on I walk. It seems like miles."

"How do you feel, Lucky? What is on your mind at this time?" Kevin questioned.

"I feel numb, dead, like I don't exist. My mother doesn't want me around, and she loves Stefan, not my dad. I'm starting to feel real anxious, though, and upset. My hands are shaking. A bus pulls up beside me, and I get on. I don't know where it's headed. I just want to ride it forever and get away from there. Finally, I get off when the bus driver says end of the line. It's dark now. It's not afternoon anymore. I wander around. I'm downtown now - near Cortland Street. I'm starting to get scared because I can't figure out how to get home. My mind feels fuzzy and antsy at the same time. My heart is racing. A man stops me and asks if I need anything. I look at him. I don't know what he means. He points toward his arm and makes a motion. Oh, yeah, he's talking about shooting up. Yeah, I want to do that. I remember how much it helped when I was at the compound. I need that right now. I follow him into an area next to a building. I have my money from my bank account in my wallet, and I give him $200. He hands me a lot of white stuff that I put in my pocket, but I ask him to give me something now, so he rolls up my sleeve and injects the vein in my arm. Oh…oh…I need this." Lucky's face takes on a placid, contented glow, and he smiles broadly. "That's good, yeah. Oooohh, I feel so much better - so safe, so warm. He leaves me, but I can't walk, so I sit on the ground. I don't know how long I've been there, but it seems like a long time. The sun is rising in the sky, and I'm cold from being out all night without a coat. I think I might be able to get home if I can find another bus. It takes me a couple of hours, but I finally get back to Royal Street."

"Lucky, what happens when you get home?" asked Kevin.

"The house seems empty. Nobody is downstairs. I go up to my bedroom and put my drugs in a cigar box that I found in the closet. I hide it on the shelf in the closet so no one will find it. I feel dirty from sleeping outside, so I head for the bathroom to wash up. But when I pass my parents' bedroom, I hear a strange voice. It's a man's voice, but it's not my dad. I hear my mom laughing a lot. I worry about my mom, so I pause outside the door. The door isn't latched, and I push it open an inch and call out, "Mom? Mom?" Nobody answers, but I see that the bed isn't made, and I hear the shower running in the master bath. I look at the nightstand and see a long gold chain with a gold medallion lying on it. I can't take my eyes off of it. I pick it up, and turn it over. There are Stefan's initials on the back. I lay it back down. I'm starting to cry, so I don't notice that the shower is now turned off. My mom keeps laughing on and on and on. Why won't she stop? It's driving me crazy, and I want to scream."

Lucky looked very distressed and held his hands over his ears. "I hear Stefan's voice near the doorway of the bathroom, and I panic. I look around, but I can't make it out of the bedroom in time, so I dive for the open closet. I can't shut the door because they're walking into the bedroom at the same time. Oh God, what's going on? Why is this happening to me? I don't want to know. I don't want to know. Leave me alone!" Lucky's face turned red and he started gasping for air with a strained sound.

Kevin spoke to him gently. "This isn't happening now. It's like you're watching a movie that you're describing. You're safe. No one can hurt you. You can continue to describe what's happening."

Lucky calmed down a bit and continued to talk. "They don't have any clothes on," he said in a hushed voice. "I try to look down, but they keep talking, and my head pops up. They don't know I'm here. What if they see me? I don't want to be here. How can I get out?" Lucky's voice filled with despair and desperation. "Stefan pulls the medallion over his head and stands with his hands on his hips. My mother smiles and points to the bed. They both get into the bed, and my mother starts laughing again. She says once is never enough for you, Stefan. You're my kind of man. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm choking. My head feels funny. Stefan rises over my mother's body, and his medallion swings back and forth as he…he…uh…"

Lucky's face transformed, making Kevin's heart skip a beat in surprise and fascination. The nineteen year old young man suddenly developed the appearance of a round, soft face of a boy no older than six. The small boy's face tightened with anger and fear, and Lucky's voice rose to the high pitch of a six-year-old. "Get off my mommy! You're hurting her. You're a bad man! He has a lot of blond hair, and I grab it and pull hard. My mommy screams my name a bunch of times, and the bad man gets really angry. He shoves me away and smacks me hard on the face. Oh, it hurts." Lucky held his hand over his cheek with tears in his eyes. "He grabs me by the arm and pushes me back into the wall. You're a damn psycho, he yells at me. My head hurts so bad, and I feel dizzy. I look down and he's not wearing any clothes. I can't stay here. I'm going."

Kevin grew concerned when Lucky's voice drifted off and his face lost its tone. Kevin spoke softly. "I need you to go next to when you woke up after the man pushed you into the wall. Can you try? Lucky, tell me what happened when you woke up."

After a minute, Lucky's face revived with some color and tone, and he resumed talking in his nineteen year old voice. "I'm in the upstairs hallway, and Stefan has his hand over my throat. All he's wearing is a pair of pants, and there's a gold medallion swinging from his neck onto his bare chest." Lucky moved around on Kevin's couch, making choking noises, and his face looked panicked. "He's choking me," said Lucky in a strained, harsh voice. "He's lifting me from the floor, and my feet aren't touching anymore. I keep kicking, but I can't feel anything. My throat hurts so badly. I'm scared. I'm going to die. He's going to kill me, I know it. He puts me back down, but he still has me pinned against the wall. He leans toward me. His body is so strong with big biceps. I can't escape. He starts whispering in my ear. He says who is responsible for your kidnapping, Lucky? Where is Faison now? Shall I call him to come pick you up again before Luke comes home?" Lucky's face froze with total terror as he continued to recall the scene. "I sent the madman after you once before, I'll do it again if you even think of opening your mouth. He looks me in the eyes. His eyes are so mean and cold. They're hard to look at. I have to look away. Stefan whispers, Yes, I wanted the Ice Princess back, but it was nice to torture Luke and have my revenge on him as well. Now your mother was upset briefly, but you see how well she's recovered. You're not her favorite son after all. Not anymore. She'd rather drop you off at Ferncliff and leave you institutionalized. Perhaps I should let you choose: Ferncliff or Faison? Which do you prefer? Of course, the guards are quite a bit larger at Faison's compound. Does that make a difference to you? What's the matter, sweet, pretty Lucky? Cat got your tongue? You'd better hope it remains silent. You will not interfere with my plans! He pokes my chest real hard when he speaks those words. He takes a cell phone out of his pocket and dials a number. He says, Lucky wants to talk to you. He holds the phone to my ear, and I hear Faison! Faison starts talking and saying bad things, what he wants to do to me.

My mouth opens to scream, but nothing comes out, and I'm shaking real hard. My legs won't work anymore, and I start sliding down to the floor, but Stefan holds my arm, so I can't sit. Ow! His hand is so strong. It hurts. He puts the cell phone back into his pocket and punches my face so hard that it flies to the side. I feel his foot in my back, and I'm tumbling down the stairs, over and over. My head and arms bang hard on the wood steps. I'm lying on the floor at the bottom of the steps. The air is knocked out of my lungs. I can hardly breathe, and my back is real sore. I can taste blood in my mouth as I lick my lips.

Stefan steps down on the first step, and I try to crawl away to get as far from him as I can. I can't get up on my feet, so I pull myself along the floor toward the kitchen. He slowly steps down one more step, and I struggle to my feet, but I'm limping real badly. I make it to the back door and turn the handle. I can hear him laughing in the living room. I fall off of the back porch, but I keep crawling until I come to Foster's house, and I scramble inside, all the way to the back. Everything hurts, but I hold my breath and curl up tight so he won't hear me or see me." Tears began pouring from Lucky's eyes as he lay on the couch, and his voice trembled. "I wish Foster were here. He would protect me from Stefan. I hear Stefan's voice. He says, Run Lucky! Run fast and hard! I'm crying, but I don't make any noise."

"Lucky, move ahead and describe what's happening in a few hours," instructed Kevin.

"It's night. I'm cold, but I'm trying not to shiver so no one will hear me or see me. I don't know where I am anymore. I'm confused. It's like I keep going in and out of it. I hear a noise and then I'm real aware. I can hear a man's voice in the back yard and see a light bouncing around. It must be a flashlight. It hits the ground and trees. I hear my name. Lucky, Lucky, it says. Lucky are you out here? Where are you son? I see a large pair of feet standing beside the entrance to the doghouse. I'm so scared that I make a noise. It comes out of my mouth before I can stop it. I hide my face in my knees and hope nobody heard. No one can find me! I have to hide or he'll hurt me. I peek with one eye open and see a man's face. I scream loud and long when I see a hand moving toward me. Lucky, it's me. It's your dad, he says. I'm not going to hurt you. I've been looking for you for hours. Why are you in Foster's house? Come on out and talk to me. I put my face back in my knees and shake my head. I feel a hand on my arm, and I scream again. Leave me alone! Leave me alone!" Lucky started crying and shaking as he related his experiences. "Lucky, I'm going to help you out of there, he says. It does sound like my dad. Dad? I ask. Yes, it's Dad, he says. So I let him pull me out. I can't stand up. Everything is sore and bent up. He picks me up and carries me to the back porch. He lays me down on my side and sits beside me.

"What's wrong, son? my dad asks. Why were you in the doghouse? He shines the flashlight on me, over my body and face. You have bruises and red marks on you. How did you get those? Faison, I say. No, says dad. You're home. Faison can't hurt you anymore. Stefan said Faison could still hurt me, I say. When did you talk to Stefan? Today, I say. He and mommy were in the bedroom, and he was hurting her. I got real mad. You'd be proud of me, daddy. I pulled his hair hard and yelled at him just like last time! Dad looks at me funny and touches my face. Why are you talking like a little kid, Lucky? he asks. Was Stefan at the house with your mother today? I nod, but then I remember what Stefan told me. I can't tell! I yell, Daddy, he's going to hurt me. He'll send Faison again. I try to get off the porch to go back to the doghouse, but dad won't let me. He holds my arm tight. I cry ouch, and he shines the light on my arm. Did Stefan do this? he asks. I nod, but I'm scared. I don't want to say anything else. I shut my mouth tight and shake my head. Dad is real angry. He says he's going to kill him."

"Lucky, I want you to move to several days later and describe what's happening," Kevin directed.

"I'm in my bedroom with the cigar box. I take the drug out and snort some more. I have to do it or the fighting makes me upset and jittery. Mom and dad are screaming at each other right now. I wonder where Lulu is, and then I remember she's still with Aunt Bobbie. Dad said it wasn't good for her to be home right now. I wish I could go stay with Aunt Bobbie, but no one mentions it. I still don't like big spaces, so I crawl under my bed. Dad gets mad at me sometimes because he says he can never find me anymore. I have a bottle under the bed with me. I stole a couple of dad's whiskey bottles, but I only have one left now. It makes me feel better than the white stuff. I can't sleep unless I drink from the bottle first.

"Move to the day that Stefan was killed, Lucky. Where are you?"

"I'm in my apartment at Jake's. I finished unloading and stacking up the liquor. I'm bored now. I decide to visit my mom. She said I could come back for lunch sometimes if I wanted. It's after lunchtime, but maybe she'll feed me. I take the bus over to Royal Street and then walk to the house. I stand by the tree in the front and look at the house for awhile. It makes me sad. I used to be happy here. I wish things hadn't changed. I think my parents are going to get a divorce.

I hear a loud bang, like a gun or something, and then there's a scream. I yell for my mom and run to the house. I fly up the stairs to my parents' bedroom. That's where the shot came from. Oh no. Oh no. My dad has a gun in his hand. There's a body on the floor beside the bed. There's blood everywhere. Oh no. It is under the body and some is splattered on the wall behind the bed. My mom is standing on the other side of the bed with a towel held in front of her. She is still screaming and crying. I look down again. It's Stefan! He has a big circle of blood in the middle of his forehead, and a small trickle is starting to roll over into his hair. His eyes are open, but he's dead! I can tell. He looks funny. My dad just stands there and stares at the body. My mom is jumping up and down and she's wailing. No one notices me. I hear some noises like choking and whimpering, and then I realize that it's me. The blood makes me sick. I feel woozy and fall on my butt on the floor.

Cowboy! my dad shouts. He pulls me to my feet. He still has the gun in his right hand, and I can't stop staring at it. Cowboy! Get out of here! he yells. You can't be here. You didn't see anything or hear anything. You weren't here, and I wasn't here. Do you understand? GO HOME! GO BACK TO JAKE'S! NOW! His eyes are red and bulging, and I turn around and run down the stairs as fast as I can. I throw open the door and start running toward the woods. I start screaming when I get into the woods.

A bunch of birds call and fly away, but I still keep screaming as I run. I think I can hear Stefan running after me. He says he's going to call Faison. He's running after me, and the blood is pouring out of his head. I turn around to see if he's near me, but I run into a tree and fall down. There are sounds around me. I crawl to a big bush and slide under it. I start picking up leaves and bury myself under them. I get myself completely covered up to my chest and bend my head low so no one can see me. I stay as still as possible. I hear a loud siren in the distance. Is that Faison? Help me. Help me. I stay there for a very long time. Now it's dark, and I'm really scared. I hear all kinds of noises - twigs cracking and animals. There's no way I'm coming out of this bush. No way. I fall asleep, and when I wake up, there's light in the woods. I have to go to the bathroom, so I slide out from the bush and go against a tree while I look around. I don't remember why I'm here. I have to get to Jake's. She'll be so mad if I don't unpack the morning shipment. I start walking out of the woods. When I pass by my parents' house, there are yellow ribbons tied everywhere, but no one is around, and I try not to think about it. Something about that house makes me feel creepy. It takes me awhile, but I finally make it back to Jake's. She's real pissed off at me and tells me I look like I rolled around in the dirt. But I unpack the shipment extra fast, so now she's happy.

"Lucky, I'm going to bring you out of your hypnosis," stated Kevin. "When you wake up, you'll remember everything that you said while you were under. On the count of three, you'll wake up. One, two, three."

Lucky opened his eyes and remained motionless on the couch. Kevin watched him closely and grew concerned when Lucky didn't say anything or move. Finally, Lucky's mouth opened and closed several times with no sound emitting. He slowly sat up on the couch and began trembling violently. "Ah…ah…ah…" he said futilely as he tried to come to grips with and verbalize his new knowledge. "My...fault," he choked out. "It's all my fault. No, oh God." Lucky gripped his knees tightly and rocked back and forth on the couch. He started hyperventilating, taking in faster and faster breaths, but it seemed like no oxygen was getting through. "I can't…breathe," he wheezed.

Kevin rose and fished around in his desk drawers, producing a small bag that he handed to Lucky. "Take in slow, deep breaths," he instructed him as he sat beside him. "That's good. Easy does it." When he'd sufficiently recovered, Lucky jumped up from the couch and began pacing erratically around the office. "I told Dad. It's my fault he killed Stefan," he repeated over and over. Kevin walked up to Lucky and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "Let's sit down," he said as he led Lucky to a chair. "We need to talk about this."

Lucky sat down on the chair. "Stefan did it to me," he said with tears forming in his eyes and his hands flexing and gripping the chair's arms. Lucky's voice took on a hysterical tone. "He hated me. I stood in the way. Revenge. It was the revenge for what my father did." He started sobbing and rested his forehead in his hands.

Next...

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