Traditions

(A TnT Thanksgiving Story)

Todd walked over to the Penthouse window and took in the Llanview skyline, buildings full of people who must be enjoying Thanksgiving. He looked down at the breadstick in his hand and despondently chomped off the tip of it. He'd been dining on cheese and summer sausage all afternoon. Store-bought party trays had been his pathetic attempt at preparing a meal.

He'd tried to make some of that Puerto Rican crap that Delgado loved, but even though he'd printed off a recipe he found on the Internet, he'd destroyed the rice and made Téa cry. Damn, the place still smelled like burnt residue. I hate rice!  Death to rice! Now, she was refusing to eat anything.

It'd only been four weeks since the twins were born, and she was still sore and cranky from the emergency caesarian delivery. The doctors hinted at postpartum depression. He'd been so proud of himself, staying with her through the surgery, holding her hand, encouraging her. Amazingly, he didn't faint when they'd yanked out Delgado's guts.

Todd made a face at the memory and turned on the television again, careful to mute the football game because he knew how much she hated televised sports. He wasn't too fond of it either; he'd rather be out there playing, but those days were over.   He glanced at the stairs, willing himself to hear her footsteps and throaty chuckle. If he tried hard, he could imagine Téa grinning at him, teasing him for a kiss. But, she was in the bedroom, lying around in her pajamas while the babies slept.

A series of ear-piercing shrieks cancelled that notion. He mechanically made his way to the kitchen, opened the fridge and stuck a bottle of her breast milk into the warmer. It was too hard for Téa to feed both of them at once. He'd been helping in that regard. He wasn't used to this tiny, demanding baby stuff. Starr had been a near toddler when he'd returned from Ireland. These tiny, fragile creatures were eating and pooping machines...that is, when they weren't bawling their brains out. But, he smiled at the thought of holding them, nestling both of them against his chest, thrilled when they fell asleep in his arms. They liked him. He swore they smiled at him, but Delgado said it was gas. He'd never forget the time his son, Samuel, the breast man, had tried to feed on him. Sorry dude! Wrong nipple. Marissa was daintier, preferring to snuggle in his armpit. She was a Daddy's girl. And, Starr's favorite new doll.

Todd went upstairs and hesitated at the doorway to the master bedroom. They should be back at Llanfair, but Téa had insisted on leaving for the holiday. She said she couldn’t take any more of Viki's cheerfulness. He had to admit Viki annoyed him when he was down and wanting to wallow in his own depression. His heart contracted at the thought of Starr, alone without him, without her mommy and daddy. Sure, she had Grandma Viki, but it wasn't the same. Still, he didn’t want to rock the boat, and it'd been a very rocky boat this past few weeks. Delgado had spent all of her energy taking care of him for months and months, and now it was payback. She deserved it. She deserved the world, his princess.

Todd knocked on the door and flinched when Téa glared at him and asked, "What is it?" in an icy tone. As usual, he was bothering her, his presence unwanted.

Téa was breastfeeding one infant while the other one waited in the bassinet. He held up the bottle and asked. "Which one needs it?"

"Your son is the greedy one. He makes loud noises. Just like his papa."

Your son. She sure knew how to hurt him, and she'd been doing it a lot lately. She acted like she regretted having their children, like she didn't want them. Ray had told him about postpartum depression, but Ray wasn't here living it, watching it drag them all down. He'd been trying so hard to keep his moods stable, to be a real father to these babies, and Delgado didn't notice or care. He felt like he was sliding down the slippery slope with her.

Todd bent over the bassinet and gently rubbed Marissa's back. She really was an angel, Angela, perfect in every way, but they'd chosen to call her by her middle name, which suited her. Her temperament was so mild, which was a miracle, considering her natural parents were Téa and RJ. And him of course. He picked her up and held her close as he sat down in the rocking chair in the corner. She was so beautiful with her mass of tight, blond ringlets, light, caramel skin and Delgado's eyes and lips. She had RJ's nose, but that's okay. RJ's nose was all right. He'd felt an instant bond with her. Maybe she helped complete him, filling in the hole of his missing years with Starr. He'd been there for Marissa, every second of the day. She'd never wonder where her daddy was.

Marissa respectfully accepted the bottle, unlike greedy Samuel, whose fierce sucking sounds filled the room. Samuel was his natural son, no dispute there. Even before the paternity test they knew. Same eyes as his, now blue but certain to turn hazel. Samuel was his future football player, and he couldn’t wait to coach him.

"Ow!" Téa said when Samuel beat his tiny fists against her breast. His arms and legs were all muscle, and his torso was long. He'd be a tall one. Téa was tall, too, so who knows. The kid might reach six foot three. Marissa would be much shorter. She was so delicate and small. He loved both of his babies, just differently.

When the babies were fed and sleeping, he crept into the bed behind Téa and spooned up to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and breathing in her scent.

"I'm not interested!"

Todd was glad they weren't facing one another because his eyes filled with tears. "I know," he said. He stroked her hair. "I...I just want to be close to you. I miss you, Delgado."

"It's Manning now," she snapped. "No more Puerto Rican name to embarrass you. That's what marriage does to women. We lose our identity."

"Sam has your name. His middle name."

"And I'm sure you'd rather he had another."

Todd closed his eyes, willing himself not to sigh. She hated when he did that, called him passive aggressive. But, she didn't push his hands away, and they rested together for awhile. "I love you," he said.

"I know."

That was an improvement. No silence or snippy comeback. "I'll help you wash up," he said.

"Are you saying I stink?"

"No, just that I thought you'd feel better if you took a shower."

Téa groaned dramatically and pushed him and the bedcovers out of her way. "Okaaaay."

Todd ran the shower until it was warm. They both splashed around, and he was able to get her to laugh. When she reached for the soap, he took it from her hand, and said, "Let me." He ran the lather over her back and chest, savoring the feel of her skin. If they couldn't have sex yet, this was the next best thing. He had to be physically close to her, about as much as he needed food and water. He massaged her shoulders, grateful when she sighed, "I like that."

He shampooed her hair, easing his fingers through to her scalp and rubbing gently. "Mmmm," she hummed.  Well, this was something. Maybe he hadn't lost her forever.

When Téa turned, he saw her glance down, and his eyes followed the same path. Busted.

"What's this?" she asked, flipping his enlarged penis.

Todd felt blood rushing to his cheeks as well as the other body part. He cleared his throat. "It'll do this if you walk into the room. And...and...you're beautiful." He ran his hand over her shoulder, but she jerked away, shielding her breasts.

"Don't," she said. "Besides, I'm ugly now. My body's ruined forever!"

"Sure, you have a scar, but so do I. In fact, I have a lot more than you."

"But, you're a man."

"Who finds you very attractive. Thrilling even."

Téa laughed. "Thrilling?" She glanced down at him again. "It's not going away."

"Thriller," Todd teased her. "It knows a good thing when it sees it."

Téa took the soap from him. "My turn. You're very dirty."

"Dirty boy," Todd agreed as he wagged an eyebrow at her.

Téa soaped him all over, and he could tell she was turned on by the way she grew silent. He could feel a charge of electricity behind him. Tea-style electricity. When she suddenly reached down and stroked him, he thought he'd died and gone to heaven. It'd been so long. He wasn't going to last with the way she expertly touched him. He could feel the water run down his back and took in a sharp breath when her breasts molded against him.

"Feel better?" she asked when he was finished.

"Infinitely," he said, bending down to kiss her, to love her. He slid his arms around her, and they stood there, allowing the warm water to cascade over them. His hand slid down her stomach. "Can I?"

Téa shook her head. "I don't want anything."

Todd rubbed his lips together, thinking, feeling disappointed. "I understand."

Her large brown eyes looked up. "Do you?"

"I guess. Maybe you can tell me how you feel?" They'd been avoiding this, refusing to discuss this new distance between them.

"Old. Ugly. Used up. Unsexy. Ripped apart."

"Oh." Todd hesitated. "That bad, huh?"

Tea's eyes filled with tears. "Yes."

Todd cupped her chin and lifted it. "I love you. You're perfect to me," he said, staring intently into her eyes, willing her to believe it."

"I’m not the same!" she sobbed. She ran her hand over her belly. "I have stretch marks, and scars, and my tummy isn't flat anymore."

"Give it time," Todd said. "It's not the end of the world. So you have a dent in your armor."

"MEN!" Téa cried. "What an insensitive thing to say. You have no idea how I feel."

"Maybe not," Todd said. His heart ached with the way she refused to cling to him, to allow him into her world. "Why don't you wear that red dress I just bought you? It'll make you feel wonderful."

"I doubt it."

Todd's eyebrows rose. "Then, it'll make me feel wonderful?"

Téa searched his eyes and gave him a sad smile. "Okay, mijo. For you." She ran her hand over his wet hair and gave it an affectionate tug.

There was a spark of hope. Maybe his plan would work after all. It was after five in the afternoon. But, it might not be too late. He so badly wanted to give her a special surprise. Hopefully, she wouldn’t hate him for it. He couldn't be too sure these days. She wore her anguish like a badge of honor. He wanted to break though it, to give her a glimpse of what her new life had to offer. If she could just let go for a few hours...

After dressing, Todd paced around the living room, following the path in his favorite pattern of anxiety. He patted his sweater, satisfied he was wearing Delgado's favorite outfit. She'd bought him this violet sweater at the Bayberry Inn gift shop, and he'd been afraid to tell her he hated all shades of purple.  And, she always patted his ass when he wore these black trousers. He sighed. Whatever. He stared at his watch again. Six o'clock. He'd sent the limo a long time ago.

He quickly turned around and nearly yelled, "Oh God," when he saw her descend the stairs. His heart beat rapidly at the way the red silk wrapped around her, offering her up like a sensual gift. She was so sexy. She had no idea. He reached his hand to her, and she placed her palm into his. "May I have this dance?" he whispered in her ear.

"Just a few steps. I'm still healing."

Todd gently led her in a dance that was more swaying than stepping. When they finished, he lifted her hand to his lips. "Cara mia," he said before he could stop the words. They came from his heart...and....his heart seemed to be Italian. He thought she hated this side of him, and so he bent his head low, ashamed, refusing to look at her.

Téa cupped the side of his cheek, and he tentatively looked up, feeling like a puppy waiting to be reprimanded. "I love you," she said softly. "Thank you for trying to cheer me up. I'm just feeling down. I always miss my mother during the holidays. And now, with the babies...and she'll never meet them. It makes me so sad."

Todd brushed his lips against hers, seeking to give her warmth and affection. He pressed firmer and wrapped his arms around her. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. "What can I do?" he asked.

"Just be you. Love me. I'll come around."

"I miss you," he said, his voice turning teary.

"I miss you, too."

They both startled at a rumble of noise in the hallway, outside the door.

"What's that?" she asked.

Todd placed his fingers to his lips. "Shhh. It's a surprise." Thank God. The limo was back. But who would it bring to their door?

Téa held her hands on her hips. "Todd Manning. What have you done?"

A huge banging knock nearly broke down the door, and the sound of laughter followed it.

Todd walked toward the door, but turned slightly and shot her a grin before he opened it. "Ola!" he cried when Tea's family burst into the room. Damn. They brought the whole tribe. I just asked the driver to pick up an old  lady called Abuelita.

"Querida!" the short, stout woman cried out. She rushed to Téa and suffocated her in her bosom.

"Dios mio!" Téa cried when she was finally able to catch her breath. "Did you bring the whole family from New York?"

"No," Abuelita said, grinning. She gestured toward Todd. "He did! He sent a classy limousine right to my door. There was room for many more persons, so I began asking..."

"And we all decided to come," Del said, kissing Tea's cheek.

Todd crossed his arms. It's an invasion. Help.

"We brought food!" Abuelita said proudly. "Where's the kitchen."

Todd uncrossed his arms to point her in the direction.

"My famous arroz con pollo!" Abuelita crowed. "Your favorite, Angelina."

Téa clapped her hands together. "Oh, yes!"

Todd pouted. "I tried to make it. Remember?"

Téa playfully squeezed his arm. "And, I thank you for trying."

"You cussed me out!"

Téa pinched him.

"Ouch! Trim those nails whydoncha?"

Téa rested her head against his shoulder. He could get used to this touching stuff. Delgado had converted him to a real touchy-feely kinda guy. Well, just with her.

"This is a nice Thanksgiving," she said. "I'm feeling more thankful. I’m so lucky to have you, Todd."

He smiled at her, wanting to kiss her silly regardless of the loud and raucous company. Someone turned on the television, and three men sat in front of it, enthralled by the football game. He could join them, bond with them a little over masculine pursuits, maybe share a few war stores with the guys.

Another old woman wandered to his stereo. He watched her with an eagle eye. Who the hell was this? The lady living next door to Abuela? Probably. The woman turned on the radio and sought out a station of Todd's nightmares. Rumba, salsa, dancing, maniac music belched from his speakers. He almost made a rude comment, but he noticed Téa closing her eyes and swaying to the music. Okay, let that one go. He scrunched up his nose at the spicy smells emitting from the kitchen. He rubbed his stomach, contemplating a flare-up of his ulcer. God, it's hard being nice. It always pays you back in the worst way.

Téa must have ten cousins here. How had they all fitted in the limousine? They must have taken another car or two. Well, maybe they really loved her a lot. She needed it right now. He could shut up for an evening, right? Besides, he always liked that flan crap that Carlotta made. Maybe Abuela would make him some. He rose from a sofa to ask her to do that but found himself answering the door again. Who now? A salsa band?

He was a little shocked to see Hank standing at the door, stern faced as always but with a wine bottle in his hand. "Happy Thanksgiving," he nearly growled at Todd as he thrust the bottle at his chest.

Todd accepted the wine and stood to the side, letting him in. "You want to see Marissa?"  He and Téa hadn't tried to keep her paternity a secret. It'd seemed too cruel given the fact that Hank had lost his only brother.

Hank brightened a bit. "Sure!"

"Come upstairs," Todd said. "This party's too loud."

Todd gently laid Marissa in Hank's arms and pointed to the chair. "She likes to be rocked."

Hank kissed the top of her head and he rocked in the chair. Marissa held her fist to her mouth and yawned. "She's adorable."

Todd leaned against the door. "I know."

Hank studied his face. "You're doing a real good job here."

"We're trying our best." He cleared his throat. "Um...I'll leave you two alone. You can hold Sam, too, if you want. He likes the attention."

Hank smiled, an absolute rarity. "Fine. That's nice."

Todd hopped down the stairs and groaned when the doorbell rang. "Who IS IT?!" He rubbed the back of his head and opened the door.

"SURPRISE!" Starr shouted. "You can't escape us, Daddy!!"

Sam, Viki, and Jessica followed her into the Penthouse. "Sorry, Todd," Viki said, smiling. "We had to see you. Happy Thanksgiving."

Todd smiled at the turkey dinners that Sam was carrying. Real food I can eat!

Todd hugged Viki for a long time, loathe to separate from her. "I'm real happy to see you," he said, looking down at the floor, embarrassed by a swell of emotion that threatened tears. "I...I'm glad I'm your son. It's been a good year. For that."

Viki kissed his cheek. "I am so grateful for the many blessings this year. You're home; I have my son, and now two new grandchildren, who are...where?"

Todd nodded in the direction of the stairs. "Upstairs with Hank."

Viki's eyes lit up. "That's so very nice..."

Todd waved her off. "I know. I know. Happy Thanksgiving. Whatever."

Téa looked animated as she talked with Jessica. His baby sister could light up anyone with her conversation. She was the best. Better to have her as a sister than only a niece. Now, he had permanent teasing rights.

"Where's your boyfriend?" he asked her. "Oh, you can't find one." He acted hurt when she punched his arm. "Ow!"

"You chase them all away, and you know it."

"Me?" Todd asked, feigning innocence.

"He told my last date that mental illness runs in the family. And, I'm next!"

Téa wagged her finger at him. "Todd..."

Todd shrugged and hopped off to play with Starr. "Did you already eat?" he asked, taking her hand.

"Yeah, Daddy. We ate the whole turkey."

Todd's eyes bugged. "The whole thing, huh?"

"Well, we didn’t eat the guts. Just the boobs and legs."

"You are seriously weird. It's called a turkey breast."

"I call 'em boobs!" Starr declared. "It makes Grandma Viki twitchy."

Todd laughed hard. "I like you."

Starr grinned. "I like you, too."

Todd poked her arm. "Got you first."

"NO!" Starr cried. She poked him back.

"Nuh-uh," he said. "Got you to infinity."

"You cheat!" she said.

"I guess I do."

"I love you, Daddy."

"Love you more."

"See?" Starr said, pointing at him.

"See what?"

"You're always zinging me." She held her hands on her hips and posed dramatically. "Love YOU!"

Todd opened his mouth.

"LOVE YOU MORE!" she yelled before he could answer.

Todd hugged her tightly until she squirmed.

"Where's my doll baby?" she demanded.

"Her name is Marissa."

"I call her Junebug 'cause she looks like a bug. Except for the beautiful hair!"

Todd swatted her on the butt. "She's upstairs. Be nice. Ask Grandma Viki if you can hold her."

Téa was dancing with some cousin or another, and Todd tapped his shoulder. "My turn," he said. When he folded his wife into his arms, he said, "Don't overdo it." Téa beamed, becoming more alive than he'd seen her in weeks.

"I'm having fun!"

"And, I'm grateful."

Téa stopped dancing and placed her hand on his chest. "I am so happy we reunited this year. I feel like God's smiling down on us."

Todd kissed her, and it seemed like the room faded away, all of the noise receding. Just him and Delgado, the way it was meant to be.  "Tea," he said.

Téa touched his lips with her finger. "Te amo," she said.

"Te adoro," Todd answered.

"Sin ti..." she continued.

"No puedo vivir."

"Happy Thanksgiving," they said in unison, holding hands, fingers interlaced.

"Always together," Todd whispered.

"Forever," she whispered back.