LOVE versus TOLERANCE
My brother Jim, in part of an email arguing against the acceptance of homosexuality said:
“There is a critical distinction between tolerance and compassion. Jesus was always compassionate, but not always tolerant. Some attitudes and behaviors are not only intolerable because they kill us or undermine our civilization, but because they are an affront to a holy and righteous God. That list in 1 Cor. 6:9 gives us some insight here, but pride (in my reading of the Bible) is at the top of the overall list (see Lk. 18:9f and 1 Pt. 5:5).”
My response to the this email which I did NOT send to him, because the family couldn’t stand our arguing (wimps!) is this:
The difference between compassion and tolerance is hard to make sometimes. To say you love an alcoholic but hate their alcoholism clearly makes sense; to love a thief but hate their stealing also makes sense; likewise even a child molester--even if the person says, “I can’t help it, what I do.” But to say you love a homosexual but hate their sex acts does NOT make sense. It is not that a homosexual can’t help it--most people, gay or straight-- can choose to be celibate, though it may be quite a struggle and unhealthy to boot. Innateness of a trait by itself is not the difference in these examples. Someone may be innately a kleptomaniac (compulsive thief), but we don’t say it is therefore ok for them to steal. It is a balance of the good of an innate trait versus the harm it may cause that forms the ethical question. Gay bashers love to quote statistics of diseases that gay men get in anal intercourse. Often the statistics are slanted or bogus, as it is easy to do with statistics. But yes, AIDS is a problem with gay males ...and also with straight males, women, especially the poor of the world, children, drug users, hemophiliacs, and many other groups. Do we tell poor heterosexuals they can’t have sex anymore? No, we try to get them to be in committed relationships and to get tested and to have safe sex if they can’t do anything else. Bingo! The same we tell homosexuals. We encourage committed relationships--like marriage, for instance.
The whole pederasty question is another example. We are rightly appalled at priests, or anyone in a position of trust in a church or other institution, having a sexual encounter with underage boys or girls. Is the male leader’s exploitation of a boy an example of the badness of homosexuality? Yes, we could say it is a homosexual tendency gone awry. The same as the much more common straight male’s exploitation of a girl is a heterosexual tendency gone awry. Or a male leader’s exploitation of a woman. The logical conclusion, taking these statistics together, is to STOP ORDAINING MEN! Women rarely sexually molest anybody. But I digress.
So what is the GOOD of homosexuality? It doesn’t produce children, usually, turkey basters nonwithstanding. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Who do you think become the teachers, pastors, nurses, social workers, foster parents, community center leaders and other caregivers for other people’s children? Gays and lesbians are in these professions in greater proportion than their straight counterparts. Could it be that nature, that is, God, provides people--about one tenth of the population (or whatever statistic you choose to believe)--who don’t have the inclination to reproduce and who don’t therefore have the demands of a young family, so that some of society’s ills can be taken care of? Who takes care of elderly parents the most? The unmarried daughter or son, often gay or lesbian. Who babysits or has a listening ear for the married sibling’s kids? Who takes in the strays of society? The gay and lesbian people I know and read of, far from being selfish because they don’t have children, take on poor kids with charity fundraisers and events, become foster or adoptive parents for crack babies or abused kids, teach the underprivileged, devote themselves to healing the sick in body, mind, and spirit.
Not to mention the creativity of people who have found that they “don’t fit” in mainstream society. That fact alone gives people a perspective that is outside--looking at problems from a different angle, figuring out what might make things work, since “normal” solutions never did for the outcast anyway. Genius born of rejection, introversion, desperation, being “different,” loneliness, or introspection. The willingness to try new things, rise to new heights, explore wild places, because we have nothing else to lose.
But I believe the main good of homosexuality may be homosexual sex, which is the same, in many cases, as the good of heterosexual sex, that is, for connection with another person, for love, for expression of feelings, for communication, for sometimes reaching heights of the Divine, for binding together in family units to accomplish common goals, for expressing the forgiveness God has for each of us, for giving and receiving pleasure to and from another human being, for working through barriers to our growth, for exploring and discovering just who we are. Sex not because we are supposed to, but because we want to.
Love is a lot harder than tolerance and hate goes deeper than intolerance. Love tries to understand where another is coming from, but when understanding is difficult or not finished, love is patient and kind and is not rude. Knowledge is now incomplete--we are not yet fully known nor do we know fully. Probably if we knew each other completely, we would love each other completely. If you cannot tolerate homosexuals, then love them. I would rather be loved than tolerated any day.