Devolution TOC

Chapter 100

Lucky stretched and yawned loudly, rubbing his head wearily and trying to shake the sleepy feeling away from his foggy brain. He still wasn't sleeping well due to anxiety, primarily over Faison and the sentencing of his father. Today, he'd have a brief meeting with the man whom he hadn't seen in nearly eight months. A lot had happened since he'd talked to his father face to face, or rather, face to protective prison glass. In a way, Lucky wasn't sure if he wanted to talk to his father.

He still felt a lot of bitter anger and resentment toward the man who had virtually ignored the signs of his earlier abuse, who was partially the reason for his kidnapping and torture, who'd purposefully cut himself apart from his son when Lucky had needed him most. As much he'd tried to make peace with the situation, Lucky still felt abandoned and betrayed by the man who at one time meant the world to him. On the other hand, he was also afraid to find out what his father thought of him now that the whole mess was exposed - the multiple incidences of physical, mental and sexual abuse, his resulting psychosis and illegal drug and alcohol use, not to mention his inability to care for his little sister when she'd needed a big brother. And then, there was Laura, the woman who had stood between the father and son so many times, the woman whom Luke had chosen time after time to the detriment of his son's health and welfare. What did his father have to say about that? Would Lucky even want to hear the excuses? Would it matter?

Lucky sat with slumped shoulders near the edge of his bed. He rose reluctantly and walked toward the bathroom. He ruffled his hair again with an impatient hand as he tried to shake off his sleeping pill hangover. I don't know which is worse, he thought morosely, getting no sleep at all or taking those stupid sleeping pills. Lucky ran the water in the shower, waiting patiently until the hot water emerged. Lucky stepped inside and sighed as the hot water bounced and rolled off of his wet hair. How long had it been since he'd been terrified of the shower? Lucky reflected that he still wasn't fond of them - the sooner he got in and out, the better. At least he could keep some of the memories at bay now and not immediately flash back to Faison's compound or dissociate when the going got tough. He decided that when he got home, baths would be the norm for him.

Lucky couldn't help noticing all of his scars as he toweled off. The one that ran across his abdomen to his hipbone had completely healed over the months and had lost its red discoloration, but now it was a puckered, jagged white line with raised places and dips in the small amount of fat he had. Lucky raised his arm and looked in the mirror. The scar under his arm was barely noticeable since he hadn't cut too deeply. It was the difference between using a sharp paring knife and a broken plastic spoon.

Damn that paring knife, he thought. It did more damage to me than you'd expect. He held his left wrist in his right palm and stared at it for a minute. It was just too messed up not to notice. Was he going to have to wear long sleeved shirts for an eternity? Bypass tank tops in the summer and skip playing basketball games? Why couldn't I have been more surgical about it? he wondered. Then I'd only have one mark to look at, and I could lie that I had carpal tunnel surgery or something else.

Lucky shook his head in disgust. This was awful. It sure indicated his state of mind when he had perpetrated this on himself. This thing is going to follow me around forever, accusing me of being a lunatic. Everyone will know and run away from me. Everybody but Cindy, he thought as he chuckled to himself. But Cindy was one of a kind, wasn't she - and he'd never see her again. Lucky was still nervous around Emily. So far, she'd been great - very understanding and nonjudgmental. But she hadn't seen the main scars, and Lucky was afraid to show her. He wasn't sure he could handle it if she walked out on him now. What was he going to do when he returned home and saw her more often? He couldn't hide forever.

Lucky wasn't sure where his relationship with Emily would go. She didn't seem too excited to be with him when they'd found some privacy on the park bench. His mind wandered, and he wondered if she would sneak him into her bedroom at night, that maybe they could be alone there. He shook his head. She was comparing him to Juan now, like all he wanted was sex. Lucky grinned sheepishly and rubbed his nose. Well, maybe she wasn't too far off the mark with that. The difference was that he cared about Emily, and he doubted that Juan ever had. Don Juan, he joked to himself. Lucky began brushing his teeth and thought, All I think about is sex these days. Sex, sex, sex. I have sex on the brain. Uuuuuuhhhhhh, I can't wait to get out of here for good.

~*~*~*~

Lucky sat primly in a chair opposite his bed. He was immaculately dressed in the outfit he had selected the day before. He looked down at his black leather shoes and frowned. There was a smudge on the end of his right shoe. He spit on his fingers and rubbed the smudge away. Tony wasn't due for another twenty minutes, but he was ready to go now. He'd nervously paced the length of the small room for several minutes, but made himself sit still for practice for when he'd be in court. His legs bobbed up and down as they jiggled away his excess energy.

Lucky looked at his watch. The nurse had come with his morning medications five minutes ago. Kevin had prescribed a long-acting sedative for him so he could be stable while in this potentially stressful, public situation. Already, Lucky felt dopey. He yawned repeatedly. Maybe he'd fall asleep and miss the whole thing. Maybe that would be best. Lucky popped up from his chair again. He was currently taking a neuroleptic to prevent his psychosis from returning, an antidepressant to prevent him from killing himself, and an anticonvulsant to prevent seizures. The other two drugs made it more likely that he'd experience a seizure, "lower the threshold," Kevin had told him. So, the anticonvulsant dosage was fairly high and made him feel drugged and tired much of the time.

Whatever, Lucky thought. I hate taking all these drugs, but I'll do anything to stay out of the hospital and have a normal life. Beats getting busted for heroin. Lucky held his hand over his stomach as he felt it drop. If I weren't taking these pills, I'd go straight back to heroin in a heartbeat. I know, I know I would. Just like the last time I was out and tooling around town with no meds. I went back. I always do. Why can't I be ten or eleven again with no worries? Lucky paused in his thoughts and laughed bitterly. Oh, yeah, forgot about the gunshot wound and paralysis. Next brilliant thought….

Lucky felt sick to his stomach. Because of all the medications he took, they practically forced him to eat some breakfast. He'd argued with the psych tech for ten minutes, but the man wouldn't budge. "Eat your toast," he'd ordered. Lucky had smartly replied, "If I throw it up, then you can clean it up! Haha. I rhymed." Lucky's stomach ominously contracted again, and a bead of sweat formed on his forehead. I need to think of something else to keep my mind occupied, he thought desperately. What am I going to do if this happens in the courtroom? Oh geez…

Lucky looked up gratefully when Tony entered the room. "Oh, man, I'm glad you're here," he said with relief. "My mind is racing, and I feel like I'm losing it."

Tony handed Lucky a bag with two donuts in it. Lucky hopped up and down twice. "See? I told them you would bring me something to eat, but no. They made me eat that crappy toast. And it's not sitting well. These ought to help. Thanks, Tony." Lucky grinned with a bright smile.

Tony clapped Lucky on the back. "Are you looking forward to seeing your father?" he asked.

Lucky held a powdered sugar donut and paused mid-bite. He looked like someone caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. He slowly chewed and swallowed the bite of donut. "I don't know," he said painfully as a worried look made his face fall. Lucky finished the donut and clapped the sugar off of his fingertips. "I'm afraid," he admitted.

Tony's face showed his concern, and he briefly hugged Lucky. "You'll do fine," he said softly as he patted his nephew on the arm. "It's always a little tense when you see someone you haven't had close contact with for awhile. The nervousness will pass quickly when you start talking again."

"I hope so," Lucky said in a small voice. His eyes filled with tears, and he blinked them away.

~*~*~*~

Lucky rested his head against the window of Tony's Jeep Cherokee for most of the way to the courthouse. Tony glanced over at his nephew and patted him on the leg. "Are you feeling okay?" he asked. "Just checking."

Lucky sat up in the seat and shrugged. "My stomach hurts," he admitted. "But mostly I'm feeling nervous, kind of upset." Lucky yawned and shook his head irritably.

"You'll get through this," Tony encouraged. "But I want you to tell me if you feel overwhelmed. If that happens, we can leave the courtroom for a few minutes so you can catch your breath. Okay?"

"Yeah," said Lucky.

"Your Aunt Bobbie will be meeting us there at the courthouse. We'll both be sitting with you."

"Yeah, that's good," nodded Lucky. "Thanks."

~*~*~*~

He doesn't seem to be doing too well, but what can anybody expect, thought Tony. His dad is being sentenced. That would be hard on anyone. Kevin said that the sedative should help keep him calm, but he seems too doped up to me. Tony glanced at his medical bag that lay beside his seat. I have the king of sedatives with me in case he loses control. I don't think that will happen, though. It's too important for him to maintain face around his father. Oh, I hope this father and son visit does both of them good. It's been a long time coming. Maybe Luke will be sentenced to a place that's friendlier to visitors. I sure hope so. Lucky needs to reestablish a relationship with his father.

~*~*~*~

Lucky looked up to the ceiling and twisted his head as he inspected the interior of the dark, imposing, wood-paneled courthouse entrance. He felt a shiver of fear run through him. It seemed like he was the one who would be sentenced and found guilty. He stopped walking and stood stiffly in a rigid posture.

Tony saw the terrified look on Lucky's face and wrapped an arm around him. "What's wrong?" he asked.

Lucky shook his head. "I don't know," he whispered. "I feel like they're going to come and take me away, lock me up."

"You're a spectator," Tony said. "No one will speak to you or address you in any way. Your job is to sit in the seat, listen and be quiet. That's all. No one will bother you. There's nothing to be afraid of."

"Okay," Lucky whispered in a way that didn't sound convincing. He shrank against Tony at the sight of policemen milling about, but continued walking as his uncle gently propelled them forward to courtroom number four. At the entrance to the room, Lucky again refused to move. A muscle twitched in his right cheek, and he ground his teeth together.

"All we have to do is go in and sit down," Tony said in a calm voice. "This is a metal detector. It won't go off because we're not carrying anything with a lot of metal in it. Let's go." Tony smiled apologetically at the attending policeman, and Lucky walked very stiffly through the detector and into the room as Tony applied a slight pressure to his shoulders.

Lucky turned his head to look back at the doorway and relaxed a little when he saw his Aunt Bobbie approaching. "Aunt Bobbie," he called out a fraction too loudly. Bobbie smiled at her nephew, waved and placed a finger to her lips to indicate that he needed to be quiet.

Tony sat down with Lucky in the back row of the courtroom in case they needed to quickly exit. Bobbie crossed in front of Tony and Lucky and took a seat on the other side of her nephew. She patted him on the back and kissed his cheek. "Can I hold your hand?" she asked. "I get a bit nervous in these places." Lucky turned his head to look at his aunt, and gave her a tight smile. He nodded and took hold of her hand, wrapping his fingers around her small hand and squeezing gently. "When's it start?" he asked and then flinched when his voice echoed a bit in the room. His eyes darted around to see if anyone else had noticed. Lucky let out a monumental sigh and slouched in his seat, closing his eyes to avoid dealing with the situation.

Bobbie looked over Lucky's head to catch Tony's eyes. Tony looked back at Bobbie and frowned lightly as he shook his head. Bobbie mouthed the word "thanks" to Tony, and he gave her a smile in return. Dara Jensen and Marcus Taggert entered the courtroom, and Taggert nodded a greeting to Tony as the two headed toward the front of the room. Tony looked at his watch and sighed.

At nine AM sharp, Luke Spencer was lead into the courtroom and walked with his attorney to a table front and left of the bench. Lucky was still hunched down in his seat with his eyes closed. Luke glanced over at his son, and Tony nudged Lucky to attention. Lucky started, then slid higher in his seat, releasing his aunt's hand and rubbing his eyes. He blinked and glanced to his left as he felt someone's gaze. Luke was looking intensely at his son, and their blue eyes found one another. Luke smiled and nodded at his son, and Lucky smiled slightly as he raised his hand in a wave.

The bailiff entered the room and instructed "All rise." Everyone in the courtroom rose, and Judge Callahan entered the room, taking his place behind the bench. Lucky looked at Luke and noted that he was wearing a blue suit, not the usual denim prison uniform. "You may be seated," the judge announced, and Lucky sat down with a loud plop. Bobbie glanced at Lucky and shook her head. The judge stared at Lucky, and the kid gulped and shifted in his seat.

After outlining the specifics of the proceedings and providing relevant details of the case, the judge reprimanded Dara Jensen with a stern look and admonished her to prepare her cases in a more appropriate legal manner in the future. Dara's face set hard, and she looked down at her hands. Luke tried his best to maintain a neutral, unemotional face but was laughing his head off inside. The judge then shuffled some papers and asked Luke to stand while he was being sentenced. Luke stood and respectfully listened to the judge.

The judge looked down at his papers and said, "Lucas Spencer, you have pled guilty to manslaughter. Your original conviction of second-degree murder and the resulting sentence of twenty-five years to be served at Pentonville prison are overturned. I hereby sentence you to five years at the Wentworth minimum security facility in Fulton, New York, twenty miles outside of Port Charles, as requested by your attorney. The one year that you've served in Pentonville will be applied to your new sentence, which is now reduced to four years. You will be immediately transferred to Wentworth from Pentonville after a half-hour visit with your son. Court is adjourned. Lieutenant Taggert?" The judge nodded to Taggert who, along with the prison guard, approached Luke to lead him to a jury room to visit with his son.

Tony motioned to Lucky to stand up, and Lucky stood as his father was led from the room. "Time to go visit your father," Tony said softly as he placed an arm around Lucky's shoulder and squeezed. Bobbie stayed behind in the courtroom as Tony carried his medical bag and followed Taggert.

Lucky looked apprehensively around the nondescript, beige hallway and stared in shock at the face of the judge when he stopped him to shake his hand. "Have a nice visit, son," he said warmly as his brown eyes met Lucky's startled blue ones. "Thank you," Lucky managed to choke out as his cheek twitched. Tony and Lucky walked up to Taggert who stood with the prison guard outside of the jury room. Taggert patted Lucky on the shoulder and led him into the room, closing the door behind Lucky.

When Lucky entered the room, Luke was standing with his hands gripping a chair in front of him. Luke's face showed his pleasure at seeing his son, and he said, "Lucky," in a quiet, intense voice. Lucky felt a lump in his throat, and he swallowed hard several times as his eyes met his father's.

"Dad," he said tentatively. Luke walked up to his son and asked, "Can I hug you?" Lucky nodded slowly, and Luke drew his son into a large hug. Lucky's body shook slightly with emotion, and Luke sighed with relief as he embraced his son for the first time in nearly two years. "I love you, son," he whispered into Lucky's ear. Luke stroked Lucky's hair over and over as he relished the feel of his child. He hugged Lucky tightly, and then released him.

Lucky's lips reddened as his eyes filled with tears, and Luke choked up at the sight of his son's strong emotions. Luke felt like he couldn't get enough physical contact with his son, and he repeatedly rubbed the boy's arms. "Let's sit down," Luke offered as he pulled out a chair for Lucky.

"I'm pleased with the judge's ruling," Luke commented. "It should be much easier for you and Lulu to visit me in a minimum security facility."

"And it's closer to Port Charles," Lucky agreed as he fidgeted with his thumbs, crossing them over each other repeatedly.

"Four years will be over before you know it," Luke announced. "Apply a little good behavior, and I might be out on parole in two."

"You can't be that good," Lucky joked, shaking his head.

Luke swatted Lucky on the arm. "Oh, yeah? Just watch and see. I'm motivated. I want to get home to my kids."

Lucky looked his father in the eyes and colored. "Why weren't you in such a hurry a year or two ago?" he asked. "You couldn't wait to get away from us then."

Luke's lips tightened into a thin white line. "Well, we discussed that before, Lucky. I was feeling very guilty for my crime and punishing myself. I talked myself into the lie that you'd be better off without me. I'm so sorry that I ignored you. There's no excuse for that, but I hope you can forgive me someday." Luke grasped Lucky's hand and noted that it was cold and shaking slightly.

"I know everything," Lucky said in a hollow, haunted voice as he stared straight ahead.

Luke frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I remember. The days after I came home, freaking out, the hospital." Lucky's eyes filled with tears, and he hung his head. "I remember the things that Stefan did to me, and I remember that I told you about him." Lucky's voice became more tense and cracked occasionally as it rose in pitch. "I saw you do it. I saw Stefan dead and the blood, all that blood. It's my fault. I shouldn't have told you. Now it's too late. Everything's ruined."

Luke noted that Lucky's head jerked slightly to the left about once every ten seconds. He wondered if Lucky were especially nervous or if this was a problem of some type. "Cowboy, I thought you knew everything," he said softly. "I didn't realize that you'd forgotten. I wish I'd known, then I could have filled in some of the blanks for you." Luke squeezed Lucky's hand again. "Look at me for a minute." When Lucky met Luke's eyes, Luke resumed speaking. "Any action that I took was for my own reasons. It is my responsibility, not yours. I won't even let you near that. It is not yours to carry. It is mine."

Luke started slightly in his seat when Lucky asked bluntly, "Why did you kill Stefan? Was it because he was in your bed?"

Luke hesitated before answering. "Stefan was playing with fire. I'm sure he never intended for things to go as far as they did, but he was pushing all the way. Lucky, Stefan and your mother were having an affair before you were even kidnapped. I'd known about it for a long time, but I didn't know what to do. At first I ignored it, then your mother and I fought about it constantly. Our relationship was very tense and brittle for quite a long time. We were headed for divorce. When I discovered that Stefan was responsible for your kidnapping, I was so angry. But I still never planned to kill him. When I saw him with your mother, full in my face, I snapped. We fought with our fists, Stefan and I, and then I pulled the gun from the nightstand. That gun was always there, loaded. Supposedly to protect the family." Luke laughed dryly. "But all it did was destroy my family. Ironic. So what I'm telling you is that no, I didn't kill him because of you. In a way, it was an accident. My mind was so full of adrenaline that I didn't really know what I was doing. That's why they call it a crime of passion."

Lucky rose abruptly from his seat and stepped away from his father. He crossed his arms and glared at Luke. "So you would divorce her over Stefan? Finally? Why not before? What was so fucking perfect about her that you ignored what was right in front of you? It was okay if she abused her kids, but you didn't like it if she fucked Stefan."

Luke jumped angrily from his seat. "My marriage to your mother is none of your business. It's between Laura and me."

Lucky's face grew bright red, and he staggered over to a chair, gripping it so tightly that his knuckles turned white. "She brought men home to beat me and FUCK me!" he shouted. "You never noticed that anything was WRONG? Her lover wanted me DEAD! But you looked the other way again and again and again and again for that BITCH!"

Lucky swayed and slapped at Luke's hands as his father tried to support him. "Too late," he said bitterly, stepping to the side. Lucky gripped his stomach and looked around the room frantically before locating a wastebasket in the corner. He ran to the receptacle and threw up his breakfast with violence.

Lieutenant Taggert opened the door slightly and poked his head in. "Are we cool?" he asked respectfully. Luke nodded with irritation and waved his hand at Taggert. "We're okay. Just having a discussion." Taggert closed the door, and Luke looked at his son kneeling on the floor and hugging the wastebasket as he waited to see if he were finished vomiting.

After a minute, Luke walked over to his son and placed a gentle hand on his back. "Let's go sit down at the table," he suggested. Lucky let his father help pull him up from the floor, and he walked slowly back to the table, sitting down carefully and placing his weary head onto his outstretched arms.

"Lucky, I've had a lot of time to think in prison. There's nothing like cold concrete to put a man's life into perspective," he explained. Luke sighed. "Your mother and I had an unhealthy relationship. We needed this constant drama to feel alive. It was push and pull, love and hate, caress and hit."

"Rape," said Lucky flatly.

"That was part of the dynamic, yes," Luke admitted. "I'm not saying it was healthy or good because it wasn't. Laura never really talked much about her early years, her upbringing. I think there were a lot of secrets, a lot of pain, but she kept a lock and key on it. She took it out on you and Lulu. And me, well, I had an absent mother, a dad who beat me senseless and degraded me constantly. Who was I to question someone that I so desperately wanted to love me, who seemed to hold the power of life and death over me? I could hardly believe that this beautiful woman would ever want me. I'm sad to admit it, but I don't think my self-esteem could handle anything less than a perfect marriage, even if the truth were anything but. That's why I didn't see things, as you say. Why I didn't protect my son better. There are no excuses for what happened to you. There is no explanation that makes sense or that makes things better. But I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart, imperfect that it is. I've always wanted the best for you." Luke's eyes filled with tears and his voice broke. "Oh God, Lucky - I named you after myself. You were the son who would do right by the name, who could have a wonderful life in spite of his father, in spite of the rottenness that is at the core of the Spencer legacy. I wanted the world for you, no, I wanted more. I wanted you to have the universe. And I failed you - miserably. I have to live with that. I am so sorry."

"Words," Lucky spat out angrily.

"No, heart, a broken heart that's still beating with love for my son," said Luke tearfully as he reached out and touched Lucky's cheek with the back of his hand. "I need you, Lucky. Please don't cut me out of your life. I love you."

Lucky looked closely at his father as his jaw clenched. "I'm no good," he said flatly. "You don't need me. I'm poison. Don't waste your time on me. I'm a fucking suicidal alchohic, drug addicted son of a bitch with psychotic tendencies."

Luke looked seriously at his son, but he couldn't help it. The corner of his mouth twitched, and the more he tried to stop it the worse it became. His shoulders started shaking, and then he bust out laughing. Lucky frowned at him. "What your problem?" he asked petulantly.

Luke shook his head and drew in a deep breath. "You have a way with words," he tried to explain. "Um, put a guitar in your hands, and I think we have the next rock star. The fucking suicidal alcoholic, drug addicted son of a bitch - with psychotic tendencies. Son, you'll be a rich man. You've discovered the secret formula."

Lucky stared at Luke with an expressionless face. As his father's words reached the funny bone portion of his brain, his face contorted, and his laughter rang out and bounced off the walls. The two men sat side by side laughing hysterically.

"I'm sorry, son," Luke said in mock apology. "The silly sense of humor comes with the Spencer territory as well. We tried to tell God to leave out the humor in this one, but he didn't listen to us. Sorry, kid."

Lucky finally stopped laughing and sighed deeply. His lower lip stuck out slightly, and Luke reached out to touch it. "You did that even when you were six months old," he said. "We have photo albums full of your pouts."

"I don't pout," Lucky said.

"What do you call this?" Luke said as he pulled out his lower lip and placed a sad look on his face.

"I can't help it if I have full lips," Lucky said snottily.

"Work it, kid," Luke replied. "Miss Emily won't be able to resist."

"Okay," said Lucky.

"Okay what?" asked Luke.

"Okay, I'm still mad at you, but I want to work things out 'cause I love my dad. Satisfied?"

"Yes, Lucky, I am," replied Luke.

~*~*~*~

"Marcus, what in the world is going on in there?" Tony asked tensely. "Lucky was screaming at the top of his voice."

Taggert shrugged. "Spencer waved me off and said they were fine. They're having a discussion."

"Well, I'm worried about Lucky. It isn't good for him to be so upset. Kevin would have a fit."

"I don't know about that," Taggert disagreed. "Sometimes a little screaming match is good for the soul. Depends on the family dynamics."

Tony laughed. "Where did that come from? Police psychology 101?"

~*~*~*~

"So you're leaving the hospital next week?" asked Luke. "What happens after that?"

"I'm going to live with Tony, Bobbie, Lucas and Lulu, " Lucky replied. "They have a room for me in their new house. And I'm going to help Tony build an apartment in their carriage house, and then I can live there rent free for my sweat equity."

Luke nodded. "That sounds like a good plan. I'm surprised that Tony knows about construction, though. Being a surgeon that is."

Lucky smiled. "He says that he built houses every summer when he was in college. I hope I can learn a lot because I really like that sort of stuff."

"Yes, you do," observed Luke. "You were always stealing nails from me and trying to build tree forts and play houses. I recall you did a mighty fine job with that last tree house that you built. Some happy kid is probably using it now."

Lucky nodded. "Lucas wants a tree fort, so I volunteered to help him. When I have time, that is. I'll be in that day facility from nine to five, but not on the weekends. That's when I'll have time."

"How are you feeling, in general?" Luke inquired.

"Well, I was pretty bad off not too long ago," Lucky admitted. "I tried to kill myself again, and they gave me more electroshock. It was kind of scary, but I'm okay. I improved a lot after that. I can think clearer now. Things aren't so fuzzy. And, after the last hypnosis, there's nothing left that I don't remember. It's pretty much all there now. I think - I hope." Lucky laughed uneasily. "Oh, yeah," he added. "Tony's brother Frisco is going to try to find Faison so he can be arrested. I hope they find him. I'm kind of scared that he'll come back." Lucky looked down at the table.

"Your aunt has an awful habit of leaving out the details," Luke commented wryly.

Lucky shrugged. "I guess she doesn't want you to worry."

"It's what I don't know that I worry about," said Luke. "Don't ever leave out the details with me. It makes me paranoid."

"Okay," Lucky agreed. "I'll try to be better about writing, letting you know what's going on."

"I'd surely appreciate that," Luke said. "It's hard being separated from you kids and not knowing how you are. I know I can't do much for you behind the prison walls, but I need to know."

"What's this new prison going to be like?" Lucky asked carefully.

"It won't have the bars and gray concrete like Pentonville," Luke explained. "They have dorm rooms kind of like a college - a college whose campus you can't leave. My prison mates shouldn't be so, let's say, rough around the edges, and oh dear Lord, I hope they have better food. Surely they'll serve something other than mystery meat or groundhog catch of the day."

Lucky nodded. "The hospital food is pretty bad, too. They keep telling me I have to eat more, but I'm like, eat more what? Yuck. I'm looking forward to Aunt Bobbie's cooking, for sure."

Luke noted that Lucky still twitched and made several other motions that weren't characteristic of his son. He held out his hand and touched the bridge of Lucky's nose. "Tough guy," he commented. "Your nose doesn't look as bad as I thought it would. You're just more seasoned now."

"It's okay," Lucky commented. "It seems like I can't breathe in as fully as I used to, but that's life. Dad?" he asked hesitantly. "I'm afraid about my other scars. I don't want anybody to see them, but how can I avoid it? I mean, I can lie about my stomach, but what about my arm and wrist. They look terrible. Everyone's going to know. I don't know what to do."

"Do you want to show them to me?" Luke asked carefully.

"Yeah, if you won't, I don't know, freak or get upset or hate me or something," Lucky said shakily.

Luke held out his hands. "Can't be any worse than what I've seen in prison every day," he commented lightly.

Lucky pulled up his shirt and pulled down his pants a few inches to show his abdominal scar to Luke. "I did that," he said softly. "The day before I tried to visit you last time. It was before I tried to kill myself."

"Looks like it's healed nicely," said Luke. "Those fencing duels can be hell on a body."

Lucky looked at Luke with surprise and laughed merrily. "I like that one. I'll have to remember that."

He unbuttoned the sleeve of his shirt and hesitated before rolling it up. Lucky's eyes pleaded with his father. "Don't hate me, dad," he said desperately. Lucky rolled his sleeve up and turned his head while he squeezed his eyes shut, unable to bear seeing a negative look on his father's face.

Luke reached out and lightly held Lucky's arm with one hand as he gently stroked the battered wrist with his other. Inside, Luke died a thousand deaths, but he expertly hid his agony. "Pit bull," he said decisively. "You saved the granny and the little girl in the stroller, but not before he got the best of you, the evil bugger." Luke smirked at his son, and Lucky smiled with relief. "It's not that bad?" he asked incredulously. Luke shook his head. "No, son," he lied. "You had an accident. That's all folks need to know."

Luke stood up and pulled his son's head to his chest, stroking Lucky's hair and cheek. "I love you," he said for the thirtieth time that day.

"I love you, too, dad," said Lucky.

~*~*~*~

When Taggert knocked on the door, Lucky quickly emerged, a little stiff in his efforts to hide his feelings about leaving his father.

'Thank you, Lieutenant Taggert," he said. "I know you set this up. I'm grateful."

Taggert nodded. "I was happy to. You deserve it."

Lucky looked over at Tony and gave him a tight smile. "I'm ready to go back," he said.

~*~*~*~

Tony approached the passenger door to his Jeep Cherokee and moved to unlock it. He frowned when Lucky slapped his hands on the door's window and made a soft noise as he swayed. "Lucky?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

Lucky shook his head, but didn't change his position. He seemed to be hugging the door. "I'm dizzy," he said. "I think I was too upset earlier. I need to sit down."

Tony held onto Lucky with one hand as he opened the door with the other and assisted Lucky into the vehicle, helping him to lift up into the high seat. Lucky lay his head back and held his hand over his face.

After Tony eased into the driver's seat, he asked, "Are you sure you're okay? You're not going to have a seizure?"

"I don't think so," Lucky said. "I just need to lie down by myself in a dark room or something. I feel overloaded, like my wires are crossed."

"Well, half an hour with Luke will do that to most folks," Tony joked.

Lucky peeked around his fingers and swatted Tony on the arm. "That's not nice," he said. "True, but not nice. It was a good visit. Some things were said that needed to come out. Maybe it'll work out eventually."

Next...

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