Chapter Eighty-One
7:30AM
While driving to the free-clinic, Tony reviewed the conversation that he'd had with Kevin the prior evening. He gripped the steering wheel tightly and wrung his fingers around the edges as he waited at a red light.
*** "Kevin, I'm not sure what to say to Lucky when I see him. He sounded strained on the phone, and I don't want to scare him off by saying the wrong thing."
"I understand, Tony," replied Kevin. "It may help to review a few facts. First, he did contact you twice on the day that he left. So, the bond is still there between the two of you. Let's consider the goals of your next conversation. I'd be gentle with him, don't ask too many questions, and allow him to lead the conversation if he's able. You want to maintain contact with him and set up a time for his next call or visit. He's likely to resist if you mention the hospital, so I'd avoid that topic. Try to ensure that he stays physically safe, that he has shelter, food, and his meds. Direct your comments and questions to that subject. Offer him several alternatives. I'm hoping that all he needs a cooling off period, and that we can begin his therapy again in the near future. He's come a long way, but he still has many issues that may prevent him from being successful out on his own." ***
Tony parked in front of the clinic and exited his Jeep Cherokee, slamming the door and pushing the electronic lock button on his keychain. I hope this goes well, he thought as he walked up to the front door.
~*~*~*~
Tony glanced around the clinic's entry and smiled when he walked up to the counter. No cookies and no meds. I'm glad I went with that instinct I had after talking to Lucky last night. Hopefully he's still here.
Tony walked with as little noise as possible to the room with the bed. He peeked in the doorway and relaxed with relief when he saw Lucky curled up on his side, faced away from him. Lucky was almost in a fetal position with one hand between his knees and the other under his chin with the covers pulled tightly around him. Tony approached him quietly to see if he was okay, and then turned to leave when he noticed Lucky's regular breathing.
Tony bustled around the clinic, sending emails, filing files and even sweeping the floor at the entrance. The clinic had no regular paid staff, only volunteers from General Hospital, so everyone pulled their weight with multiple tasks when they worked there. At 8:00AM, a nurse arrived, and Tony said, "Hi Jen. How's it going? I heard you bought a new puppy."
Jen smiled broadly. "Hey, there, Tony. Yes, we bought a Malamute. He's chewing up everything in sight and isn't housebroken yet, but he's a lot of fun. Before you know it, we'll have him in obedience training."
Tony raised his eyebrows. "Good idea. Now if they only had that for children, we'd all be set. Um, Jen, my nephew is sleeping in the other room, and I'm trying not to make a lot of noise so he can rest awhile longer. He might be sleeping here for a couple of nights. I just wanted to let you know."
Jen looked concerned. "Is this the nephew who's been in and out of the hospital. Is he okay?"
Tony nodded. "He's holding his own. He has a few problems, but we're working them out."
~*~*~*~
9:20AM
Tony returned to the room for the third time that day, but Lucky was still sleeping in the same position. "Lucky," he said in a normal tone of voice. "Time to get up. The clinic is open, and I need to talk with you now before we fill up with patients." Lucky didn't move in response to Tony's voice, so he walked closer to Lucky and shook his shoulder. "Lucky, wake up," he said louder.
Lucky tensed and turned slowly over onto his back. His eyes were still closed, and Tony's heart raced when he saw the blood. The left side of Lucky's mouth, part of his cheek and the white hospital sheets were smeared with it. Lucky mumbled but kept his eyes closed. Tony reached for a stool and pulled it beside the bed. "Lucky," he said again, shaking Lucky's shoulder. "Rise and shine." Lucky sighed and gradually opened his eyes but only until they were barely slits. His mouth moved slightly into a smile, and he said, "Tony, " in a low voice.
"What's up with your face?" asked Tony. "You've got some blood on it." Lucky slowly reached his hand to his cheek and let it drop to the blanket.
"Bit it," he said thickly.
"Come on," replied Tony, pushing Lucky's shoulder and helping him to a sitting position. "Sit up so I can look you over, then we'll talk."
Lucky sat unresponsively while Tony looked in his eyes, at his torn cheek and performed a quick neurological exam. "Your cheek is a mess," said Tony, "but it's starting to seal up, so I'd leave it alone. Be sure to avoid any acidic foods like oranges so you don't hurt yourself." Tony grew concerned. "Some of your neurological responses are slower than I'd expect to see one day after having a generalized seizure. How are you feeling?"
Lucky turned toward Tony and said heavily, "Tired and kind of confused."
"Did you feel like that yesterday?"
Lucky held a hand to his forehead and took several seconds to reply. "Yeah," he answered. "But I walked a lot and worked for eight hours, so…I don't know."
"Lucky, you said you had a job, but you still need a place to live. You can stay here at the clinic for a few nights."
Lucky nodded. "Okay, thanks."
"Do you want to move back home? The door is always open, no pressure."
Lucky frowned as he considered Tony's words, and then a shadow of fear crossed his face. "You're not going to trick me are you?" He started breathing faster. "I can't…I can't go back to the hospital." He grew agitated and flung off the covers, attempting to get out of bed.
"Whoa, Lucky. No one's trying to trick you or force you to do anything you don't want to. Let's just have a calm discussion about how you feel and what your plans are, okay? I want to know that you'll be safe."
Lucky still looked haunted and upset, but he nodded. "I have a job," he offered, smiling.
Tony smiled back. "That a good first step. Now what about your medications? Do you want me arrange it so you can stop by here every morning to take them?"
Lucky shrugged. "I don't know."
"Let's figure out where you're going to sleep and how you'll take your medicine, how's that?"
"Okay," Lucky nodded. "I get paid on Friday."
"Good," said Tony. "Now where do you want to sleep?"
"If I had my jacket, I could sleep on the street. I found a couple of good places last time," Lucky said vacantly.
Tony's face sank in disappointment. "It's not safe to sleep on the street, Lucky. Why don't you come here for a couple of nights until we can find you a place to stay."
Lucky bent his head down. "All right," he said slowly.
"Now, I brought you several changes of clothes and a jacket. You can shower and change here. When do you start work?"
"Two."
Great, he's going to be wandering the streets until then. Tony pulled the medical alert bracelet out of his pants pocket. "Lucky, I have something for you. You don't have to wear it on your wrist if you don't want to, but I'd like you to at least carry it in your pocket. It's not that we expect anything bad to happen to you, but it's like insurance. This is a bracelet that shows you have a seizure disorder. It reads Epilepsy." Tony studied Lucky's face to determine his reaction.
Tony looked surprised when Lucky acted nonchalantly and held his hand out. "I'll put it in my pocket. Do you have my driver's license?"
"Yes," replied Tony. "It's in a bag with the other things that I brought for you." Tony reached for his wallet. "I also want to give you a loan so you'll have money to spend until you receive your first paycheck." Tony handed Lucky three $20 bills. "If you need more, let me know."
Lucky carefully laid the bills beside him, then rose from the bed. "I'm going to take a shower," he said.
"Your clean clothes are in that bag," Tony answered, pointing to a brown paper grocery bag sitting in the corner of the room.
Lucky started walking away but stopped and stood in place for a moment. He turned around. "I'm sorry, Tony," he said tearfully. "I tried. I really did. I…I can't do it anymore…and…I don't want to talk. I have to be…out to…to…take care of myself. I'm sorry." He hung his head and wept audibly.
Tony walked over to him and took him into his arms. Lucky sobbed on his shoulder as Tony patted him on the back. "It's okay," he said. "You're going to be okay. We'll make sure. I know you're trying hard."
Lucky raised his head, and Tony held his face between his palms as he looked Lucky in the eyes. "I want you to promise me you'll call anytime, anywhere if you need me?"
Lucky took in a shuddering, deep breath, nodded and sobbed lightly several times, and then wiped his hand over his eyes. "Okay," he said.
Tony watched him as he headed for the shower. He ran a hand through his hair as he held a hand on his hip. We'll get through this, he thought.We have to.
~*~*~*~
"Kevin, it's Tony Jones. Lucky just left the free-clinic. I unlocked the door to the clinic, and he stopped by last night to get some sleep." Tony sighed raggedly. "I'm concerned about him. He's very confused, not able to plan or think clearly. We went round and round on where he should stay. He actually wanted his jacket so he could sleep on the streets."
"In your opinion, is his behavior due to the seizure or his overall mental health?" Kevin asked.
"Both," replied Tony. "His neurological responses are slow, which is probably due to his seizure activity, but his emotional responses are affected, too. He was very nervous and broke down crying at one point saying he was sorry but he couldn't help himself. I think he needed assurance that he'd be okay."
"Were you able to arrange for him to take his medications?" asked Kevin.
"Yes and no," replied Tony. "I left them for him last night, and he took them. And, he had his morning dosages, too. But, I don't know if I trust him to come back tomorrow. That was our arrangement, but he seemed spacey, so I don't know if he'll remember."
"Was he receptive to living with you?" asked Kevin.
Tony laughed bitterly "No way. He clammed up and became very agitated when I mentioned that possibility. He was afraid I'd trick him into going back to the hospital. That's the only time we mentioned the hospital. Kevin, why do you think he left when he did?"
"There are several reasons, Tony. One is that he was becoming increasingly distressed in therapy. He'd stopped eating for several days and wasn't sleeping because he was having nightmares. I think it's pure avoidance to some degree. And, he had an unfortunate visit from his aunt only one hour after he had his seizure. I think she upset him, and he wasn't thinking clearly when he ran from the hospital."
"Are you telling me he had a visit from Amy Vining?" Tony asked in disbelief. "Wait a minute, she hasn't visited him even once since he's been in the hospital. Why did she stop by?"
"I interviewed her this morning after I noticed that she'd signed onto his visitor's list." Kevin sighed. "She can upset and confuse anyone I think, even a psychiatrist. Apparently she views herself as some sort of diplomatic go-between for Lucky and his mother. She tried to force a letter on him yesterday, even though he kept refusing it. She mentioned giving him a lecture about respecting his elders. Tony, unfortunately, her visit coincides with Lucky's anxiety over his mother, and she forced the issue with him at a very bad time. Amy won't be visiting him at GH ever again, if I have a say, that's for certain."
"Did you read the letter? Did Lucky read it?"
"The letter was sealed," said Kevin. "So no, Lucky didn't read it. His aunt mentioned that she forced it into his hand before she left, which was a ridiculous thing to do. I read the letter, and basically his mother is asking to renew a relationship, to exchange letters occasionally, that's it."
"Kevin, what are we going to do? Lucky is upset, he's on the streets again. Do we have any alternatives other than the hospital?"
"If we could talk some sense into him and get him to agree to treatment, I'd consider placing him in an outpatient day program at the hospial," replied Kevin. "But, I'm concerned about his resistance to offered help and his propensity to homelessness. If you can't talk him into returning to some form of therapy within the next week or two, you might need to go to court to have him blue papered. I'm concerned about his safety and the safety of others if he stops taking his medication or returns to his addictions. But, let's see if you can establish a rapport with him and lead him to an alternative, okay? And, be sure that Lucky knows he can call me anytime, no judgment or hassles."
"This is really hard, Kevin. We'd come so far. He was making so much progress, and we could see the light at the end of the tunnel. He was so close to being able to come home."
"Tony, I understand," said Kevin. "The course of mental illness can be rough on caregivers and sometimes has its hills and valleys. Unfortunately, Lucky's behavior is not unusual. It's often a struggle to keep patients in therapy for as long as they need it. But we're not giving up on him."
~*~*~*~
1:50PM
"Hi Joe!" Lucky said happily as he entered the back office of the Cortland Street White Castle. "Here's my driver's license," he said, slapping it on the manager's desk and smiling. Joe picked up the license and walked over to the photocopy machine. When he looked at the photocopy he remarked, "Your license is up for renewal next month. FYI. I always forget to get mine renewed until a couple of months after my birthday."
Lucky looked at him blankly. He'd forgotten that he had a birthday coming up in two weeks. He'd be nineteen years old then - a nineteen-year-old with no advanced education, no home, and a job at a fast food restaurant.
"Here's your uniform," said Joe good naturedly as he pushed a pile of clothes toward Lucky. The uniform had short sleeves, and Lucky hesitated. "Do you have one with long sleeves?" he asked.
"Nope," Joe replied. "They only come that way. What's the matter? Not GQ enough for you?"
Lucky panicked briefly at the thought of exposing his scars by wearing short sleeves. "But I usually wear long sleeves. Um…I'm allergic to the sun," he lied. Lucky looked down at his feet and blushed.
Joe leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers behind his head while looking closely at Lucky. "Well, you are kind of a pale, even for a white boy," he chuckled. "I can see where you'd need that sun protection. You can wear a long sleeved shirt under the uniform, how's that?"
"Thanks," said Lucky with a look of relief.
~*~*~*~
11:30PM
Lucky finished up his shift plus overtime. One of the evening crew never showed up, and Lucky'd volunteered to work extra to tide them over. The assistant manager said he was grateful he could get some paperwork done before hitting the line himself. Lucky held his hand to his stomach and regretted that he didn't go out for lunch and purchase different food. He'd been subsisting on the free food at his job for the last two days, and it was calling attention to itself with a resulting stomachache. He was tired and planned on returning to the free-clinic as soon as possible so he could immediately crash and catch up on his sleep.
Several scantily clad teenaged girls entered the restaurant and ordered cokes only. They were starting their own entrepreneurial evening shift on the streets of Cortland. Lucky glanced at them over the counter and remembered the hub of illicit activity from his previous homeless days when he'd basically camped out at the White Castle overnight.
Lucky was working his cash register when a light, female voice stated, "I'll take a large Diet Coke please." Lucky looked up and his eyes locked with hers for what seemed like minutes. She frowned and tossed her blond curls. "Do I know you?" she asked. "Because I'm sure I'd remember meeting you. You're such a cutie."
Lucky looked stricken. "Cindy?" he asked.
The young prostitute's eyes widened when he said her name, and she responded in a fearful voice, "It's you!"
Lucky yelled over his shoulder to the assistant manager. "I'm going now." He walked swiftly around the counter and caught up with her as she was making a quick exit out of the door. "Wait," he said gently as he took her arm.
"Let go of me!" she shouted. "You tried to kill me. You better believe I won't forget that." The other prostitutes began whispered among themselves and watched the show.
"Cindy, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said insistently. "I'm glad I ran into you because I've felt bad ever since. I won't hurt you, honest. I want to explain what happened."
The frightened girl looked deep into Lucky's earnest blue eyes and melted a fraction, remembering how attracted she had been to him. "You cut your hair," she said with a small smile. "It looks nice, but I like it better long."
Lucky let go of her arm and laughed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Well, it does grow," he said. "Look, can I buy you a cup of coffee somewhere so we can talk?"
Cindy hesitated and then said, "Okay. I don't feel like working tonight anyway. Let's go to that place around the corner."
~*~*~*~
"One café latte for you and café mocha for me," said Lucky with a grin. He placed the foamy coffee in front of Cindy, set his own cup down and pulled out a wooden chair, sitting down beside her. "Oh, here's a napkin if you need one," he said.
Cindy smiled and placed the napkin on her lap. "Mmm…that's yummy," she said appreciatively after her first sip.
"I thought all women liked chocolate," said Lucky with a smirk. "But I'm the one with the mocha."
"Oh, we do," Cindy sniffed with a raised eyebrow. "You can buy me a candy bar after we're done with this," she laughed.
Lucky chuckled and then grew serious as he gripped his coffee with two hands to warm them. "I owe you an apology. A big apology. When we were last together, I was really messed up. I was drinking. I'm an alcoholic, you know, and I was also taking drugs. I think the coke that we did kind of sent me over the edge. I couldn't handle it." Lucky paused and met Cindy's eyes.
Cindy studied him closely and remained silent, allowing him to finish speaking.
Lucky stroked the side of his coffee cup as he thought over what to tell her. He shifted in his seat, rubbed the bridge of his nose and continued. "I'm going to be honest with you," he said. "They took me to the hospital with pneumonia a day after that happened, and then later on I…well, I tried to kill myself and they locked me up."
Cindy's eyes teared up and she looked concerned. "I didn't know," she said softly. "I'm sorry that happened."
Lucky shrugged. "Nobody knew," he said with a gruff voice as he tried to force back his tears. "I pretty much kept my problems to myself until they built up so bad I couldn't handle them." Lucky placed his hand on his forehead. "There's more," he mumbled, "but I don't know. I'm kind of embarrassed to bring it up or talk about it." He paused for a minute, looking away from her to gain his composure. "Anyway, I hope I didn't…well, yeah, I know I hurt you. I hope you're alright now."
Cindy reached placed her hand on top of Lucky's. "I liked you a whole lot from the first time I saw you," she said in a hushed voice. "I guess you can say I had a crush on you."
Lucky looked up briefly and laughed nervously.
"So, when you shot at me with that gun, it hurt my feelings, and I promised myself a long time ago that no one would ever do that to me again." Cindy removed her hand, sat back in her chair. "Boy we've got problems," she said wryly. Cindy looked down at her watch. "We've been here for over an hour already," she said in disbelief. "Guess I'm playin' hooky tonight. That's okay. They'll miss me so bad they'll all come runnin' back tomorrow just to find me." Cindy stood up abruptly and moved her chair back as she looped her purse over her shoulder. "Maybe I'll work the mall tomorrow and get some sleep tonight instead. I'll probably see you around. What's your name? I can't believe I've been talking to you all this time and don't know your name. Mine's Cindy."
Lucky stood up and threw his empty coffee cup into the overflowing trash container beside the table. "I told you my name - remember? I'm Lucky, Lucky Spencer."
Cindy laughed delightedly. "I DO remember," she said pointing a finger at him. "You're the one who's named Lucky but doesn't FEEL lucky. Aha. That was good." She walked toward the door and paused. "Why don't you walk me home," she suggested. "We can talk some more."
Lucky smiled. "Okay."
The two walked out into the night and didn't say much as they headed east. "My house is about six or seven blocks from here," she said. "I room with four other working girls. We take care of ourselves. It's not too bad."
"How long have you lived on your own?" asked Lucky.
"For about three years off and on," Cindy replied.
"You must have been pretty young," Lucky commented.
Cindy took Lucky's hand and swung it back and forth lightly as they continued walking. "I've always been on my own, more or less. I grew up on a commune in upper state New York. I'm not even sure who my parents were, there were so many people living together. They threw me into foster care when I was about ten. After years of being raped and abused, I decided to try it on my own, ya know. Might as well be paid."
Lucky's eyes filled with tears as he looked at Cindy's face, and the two continued walking. Cindy sighed and shrugged. "There's not much you can do for a living when you're that young. One thing led to another, and here I am, in all my glory!" Cindy laughed and lifted Lucky's hand high as she twirled around him. She staggered a bit and leaned heavily against Lucky. He smiled and set her back on her feet. He looked her in the eye and said, "That happened to me, too. The rape I mean. That's why I was on the streets." He looked away, took Cindy's hand again, and the two walked in silence for a few minutes.
"Where are you staying now?" Cindy asked curiously.
Lucky shrugged. "The streets I guess. I'm a glutton for punishment."
Cindy stopped. "Do you want to stay with me tonight? You don't have to sleep in an alley or anything. I'd worry about you doin' that."
"That's real nice," replied Lucky. "But I don't know. I'm sure you don't want me hanging around, getting in your way."
Cindy lightly slapped Lucky's arm. "I didn't ask you to move in as my permanent roommate, silly. Just a night off the streets."
Lucky studied Cindy's face.
"Okay," he agreed, squeezing her hand.
Next...
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